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"I confronted him. Accused him. We were screaming, fighting. It was bad. Loud enough for our new neighbor to hear. He was a cop. When he got there, Thad was trying to shut me up, mocking me and so angry that I dared to accuse him of being the rapist he is." I frown, heart hammering against my ribs as I see him. "His eyes turned black. I've never seen anyone's eyes do that before, but they did. Completely black. He stood about a foot away from me, and they were…demonic. Completely empty of everything but rage and hatred. I knew then how much he truly hated me, but I didn't know why, like that was important just then." I shake my head, knowing now that shock was to blame. "By the time the neighbor was able to get inside and pull him off me, I was barely breathing."

I lift my free hand and touch the scar that slices into my eyebrow. So many times after I healed from the rape, I would reach up and feel for the scar on my face as a reminder that I wasn't crazy. I didn't imagine it. I didn't make up the rape, and it wasn't a horrible, awful nightmare conjured by the drugs and trauma of what Thad had done to me. My body holds proof of Thad's abuse. Scars both seen and unseen to others. Not only physical damage but the kind of emotional damage and PTSD that haunts me to this day. "So now you know." I pull my hand away and stand. "And I have to get back to work."

"Vi, wait."

I rush to stand and stalk back toward the bus but pause at his order. I swing round and force myself to look at him. What I see staggers me.

Sully's pale beneath his year-round tan, his gaze haunted and expression tight. His beautiful face ravaged and ripped to shreds by my words.

I harden my heart at the sight of him. I know exactly how broken I am because of all I've been through. How jaded and cynical I am in my belief that love only exists in rom-coms and romance novels.

I know it's not all men. But I'd lost myself in a man, in my marriage, and am justifiably wary of ever risking that again.

What I've just told Sully has forever changed how he sees me. Because how can it not? Of course he sees his sister. Her death. Her weakness for a man who ultimately hurt her.

And I can't blame him for wanting no part of it, especially when it's taken so long for me to process all that I experienced at Thad's hands. Sully sees me now with all my flaws, and the novelty is gone.

I'm a statistic. A survivor, yes, but a statistic all the same. Maybe I am genuinely lacking in that I want and crave to be loved, so much so that I settled for brutality instead. It's taken me a long while to understand that about myself. And to love me as I am. "I have to go, Sully."

He's visibly frustrated and yanks at his hair again.

"You're pulling away from me, but this isn't over between us."

I suck in a breath at his words but don't allow myself to hope. Hope is for believers, and I'm not one of them. He needs time to process the things I've shared, and once he does, he'll see that he deserves someone who matches his nickname for me. Someone bright and full of sunshiny light. Who hasn't struggled to get out of bed, to just open her eyes, all because of the unimaginable pain and darkness that never goes away completely now. It lurks like a ghoul I can't ever shake, ready to strike me down when I falter and allow my mind to wander to the past. "It is. You just haven't realized it yet."

He opens his mouth, and I cut him off, adding, "Go home, Sully. Go for a ride. Go find yourself a woman who won't remind you of your sister."

"Violet."

"Just go," I say firmly. "There's no need to stress over something that hasn't started yet."

Chapter 21

Sully

* * *

There's no need to stress over something that hasn't started yet.

Hasn't started? She thinks we haven't started?

I'm sitting at a table inside the Pelican when Jameson Dean, Hudson Blackwell and Bellamy Woods breeze in like the seemingly carefree guys that they are. All are single and considered good-looking if the attention they receive from the ladies is any indication. And now they’re looking at me with matching expressions like I've kicked their proverbial puppies.

I swear under my breath and brace myself for an inquisition as they head over to join me. I don't have the patience for these clowns right now. Not when I need to wrap my head around how to handle the news Vi revealed earlier. Especially when I want to strangle the man responsible for hurting her, even though I'm trained to save lives. Not take them.

"Holly-woooood," Hud drawls. "What's up with you? How long have you been here?"

"Not long."

They exchange glances and then look at the guy behind the bar.

"Definitely not the usual bartender that brings you here," Bellamy says.

I glare at him and catch his smirk. "What are you idiots doing today?"

"Keeping you company on our day off, apparently," Hud says.

"Don't." I growl the word despite sensing the futility.