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"She's got this," he says. "Violet, you can do this. Break his hold. Take him down. Come on, girl, focus!"
She's going to hyperventilate, and I start to let her go.
"Don't release her," Lawson growls. "Violet, there is an angry man controlling you. Going to hurt you. Get out of your head. Grab his wrist and break his hold!"
I glare daggers at Lawson. My girl is visibly shaking, and given her breathing, she has to be dizzy. Not to mention the fact I'm pissed he's comparing me to her ex, and that does not go over well with me.
Come on, baby girl.
Finally she lifts her hands and wraps them around my wrist and even though she's clumsy, she performs the move, leaning down, pushing me off center, turning while breaking my grip and using the angle and momentum to force me to release her and go to my knees.
"Hell, yeah!" Lawson crows like a proud papa.
He wraps an arm around Violet's shoulders and gives her a squeeze, whispering something in a low voice I can't hear. He squeezes her again, grips her face in his giant palms and stares into her eyes as though transferring some kind of unspoken message.
"Now do it again. This time grab her in a bear hug, Sully."
"Lawson, maybe we should—"
"I can do it," Violet says quietly, determinedly, despite the fact she's still shaking either from fear and anxiety or adrenaline or maybe a combination of them all. "I can do this."
I bite back that she'll never need to—and we go again…
Chapter 39
Violet
* * *
I'm sore the following morning when I drag myself out of bed. Sully and I have fallen into the habit of sleeping together whether on the couch or in the bed, cuddling until sleep takes us away. Sometimes I worry he will push for more than I'm ready for, but so far, Sully has been a complete gentleman, stopping our lingering kisses and caresses before they go over the boundary I'm not ready to cross.
At least not yet.
I know my feelings for him are growing stronger every single day, and our time together has burrowed beneath my skin like roots taking deeper purchase. There's so much to Sully as a man. His passion for helping people as a firefighter and EMT, his sense of community. His unfailing friendship with the men he works with and those who are part of the Saints.
And the way he looks at me?
Sometimes I think I'm dreaming. I see such pride in his eyes when he gazes at me; I don't think it can be real. Instead of criticizing my every action and word, he builds me up. Encourages me. Pushes me—but in a good way.
And then there's his ornery side. He loves making me blush. Loves telling me all the things he'd like to do to me one day when I'm ready.
When I'm ready.
The fact that the man knows I struggle with intimacy and respects the boundaries of my fear-imposed celibacy is huge. It's…everything.
He's quickly becoming everything to me.
As hard as I fought against being with him out of that same fear, I'm falling for him just as intensely.
Have already fallen.
But how can I be with him and have a future when my past lurks and lingers like an ugly sore? I'm on edge, waiting for Thad's next move. Because I know there'll be one. He liked to play mind games to keep me on edge and guessing which side of him I'd meet when he walked through the door.
Obviously that hasn't changed. It's just taken on a different tone now.
I shake off the unease of my ex and eat a high-protein breakfast to fuel myself for the day's session with Lawson. Chase checked in late yesterday that there was no news or tips on Thad's whereabouts. It's frustrating and drives me closer to the edge of the cliff that looms in front of me.
Sully hinted once again at calling off work, but I insisted he go. I refuse to disrupt any more of my life or his to deal with something—someone—that may not reappear for a while.
