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“It’s nothing.” Jemel tries to snatch the letter back, but Xan is too quick, whisking it out of his reach. “Give that back.”
Xan makes no move to do so, holding the letter high and peering at it. “Plumian? Is this your spying? On me?”
“Of course not,” Jemel spits. “If I was spying on you, why would I write my notes in your language?”
Xan frowns, still looking at the letter. “Baraboo, who wrote this?”
Jemel sighs. He had not decided whether or not he would ask for Xan’s help with this. And now fate has taken that decision from him. Xan is already reading the papers. He should just tell him. “A Plumian servant in the Rose Palace.” He has not spoken to anyone of this. Xan might be infuriating, but he is probably the one person in Attar he can share this secret with.
Xan cannot communicate with anyone in the Rose Palace without Jemel. And if he even found someone to translate, who would believe him if he tried to make wild claims about what Jemel was doing?
The notion makes Jemel realise that here in the Rose Palace, Xan is strangely vulnerable. Unbidden, the thought occurs to Jemel that he could tell Xan anything. All his secrets. He could tell him Zai is a demon. He could tell about the Five Fae Princes fated to save the world from that demon rising. He could tell Xan that Jemel himself is one of those princes and without Doroth’s guidance he has no idea what that means or what he should do.
A further thought occurs to him. He could bed Xan. That he could take the pleasures Xan so happily offers, and have no concerns about Xan keeping his secrets. He could tell no one.
He heard once of a technique used in the Rose Palace. Whores who speak no Artemian, prized for exactly that quality. Damon Darekul’s own mother, Black Eyes, had been such a woman. But despite that Rafus had loved Black Eyes and begged to be allowed to marry her when he discovered she carried his child, if certain rumours were true.
And there are more rumours, that Rafus did marry Black Eyes, in a secret ceremony conducted by an Artemian priest. If true, Damon is the rightful heir to the throne of Azuria. They call in the streets for Emperor Damon.
Jemel watches Xan, still studying the letter. “Can you read it?”
Xan looks up from the papers. “You think I can read, Baraboo? A Plumian savage raised on a desolate rock?”
“Oh, you can’t…?” Jemel feels his belly drop. Another taunt from cruel fate.
Xan cracks a grin. “Of course I can read.” He frowns at the letter for a moment, then lowers it to look at Jemel. “And you cannot? You cannot read this?”
Jemel feels a strange rush of shame to say, “No.”
“But you are a scholar.”
I am the Scholar, Jemel thinks, but he says. “I am, and speak and read many languages, but not Plumian. I only ever learned the words, not the letters.”
“And this writing is important to you?”
Jemel nods, “Yes.”
Xan smiles in a way Jemel does not trust. “I can tell you what it says, but you need to give me something in return.”
Jemel swallows. “Don’t be so disgusting. You think I am so desperate for your help?”.
Xan leans forward and taps Jemel’s face. Even through his veil, Xan’s palm feels burning hot. “I didn’t mean you should trade your hole, priest.”
Jemel’s skin heats. He hopes Xan cannot feel it. “I didn’t think you did mean that,” he says back, voice a little shaky.
“Oh, then what did you think I meant?”
“I don’t know.”
Softly Xan says, “I assure you I am honourable. I would never demand you sin for me. When you sin for me, Baraboo, it will be because you are willing. Not because you have traded such with me.”
Xan’s words are cooed softly, but they hit like a slap. Jemel pulls back. “You think I will willingly spread my legs for you.”
Xan makes a sound like a soft, half-swallowed laugh. “I do. But for now, let us make this deal. I will help you, read this paper,” — he shakes it, “— and in return you will be honest with me about your desires.”
Jemel looks at Xan for a moment before he says, “Very well.” What harm can such an agreement do? Xan cannot bind him to tell the truth of his feelings when he isn’t sure how he feels from one moment to the next.
“I am surprised you agreed to that,” Xan says.