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Jemel glances at the writing on Elric’s pages. His head is throbbing more viciously now. There was nothing. He cannot understand it. Nothing here that answered his questions about Pershel. He aches to sleep, but he doesn’t know if he can.
Elric says, “If we are done, I will go too.” He does not need to explain. Jemel is certain he is keen to get back to Lukas.
Perl looks awkwardly from Jemel to Xan. “Perhaps I should also leave,” he says.
Jemel is unsure if Perl, like Elric, is keen to return to his princely lover or if he simply senses the tension between Jemel and Xan and wishes to be away from it.
Jemel does not want to be alone with Xan, but it is clear Xan has no intention of leaving the room and he cannot think of a reason to banish him, or a reason for Perl to stay. So he simply says, “Very well.”
When Perl leaves he looks up at Xan. If he must be alone with Xan, he does not intend to make things easy. He says, “Atticul told you to fuck me?”
Xan’s throat moves, he sets the lamp down before he says, “Yes,” as plain as that.
“In return for giving you Pluma. He gave you that foribunda to do it.”
Xan’s face gives nothing away. No guilt, no satisfaction. “I never meant to use it. He threatened Trysta if I did not agree to the bargain he wanted me to make. That’s why I forced you to help me get her out when I did and not wait as we had agreed, because I could not do what he had bid me to. He offered me everything, Trysta’s freedom, Pluma freed, all the enslaved Plumian’s freed. But in return I had to condemn you to burn.”
“A good deal,” Jemel says sourly. “You should have taken it. Oh, but you did.”
“Jemel, I did not. I could not do that. I meant to take you with me and find another way.”
“No? You are wearing the uniform of an Imperial Soldier. Whether you meant to use me or not, you did, and you have taken the spoils of it.”
Xan glares back. “I agreed to be his General only because it meant I could be at the Ascension to protect you. I tried to get you out. I begged him to let me see you. But of course I was refused. I tried to get back into the dungeons many times, but the guards everywhere were tripled. It seemed the only way was to take my place in his army and the invitation to the Ascension that came with it. It was the only way to save you.”
“And how did you mean to do that if my brothers had not appeared?”
“Any way that I could,” Xan takes a step forward, closer. “Jemel, I’m sorry. I know what happened shamed you. I should not have taken you there, in the library. It was too dangerous. I made a grave mistake. But you told me you planned to leave on your own mission. I did not know if I would ever see you again.”
“You should have told me. You should have told me everything Atticul said to you without my knowledge.”
“I know.”
“But you didn’t. In case we failed. If we hadn’t been able to free Trysta you would have taken his deal? Was your silence your back up plan?”
“Jemel.”
“Was it?”
Xan looks weary. “I don’t know. I did not think beyond it.” Another step and Xan sits down on the bed beside Jemel. “But know that when we lay together, you desired it, as did I. It was nothing to do with Atticul. Trysta was safe. I was not thinking of Pluma. Of anything but you. I took you only with my true heart. And I care for you.” Xan’s dark eyes are full of pain.
“Please then,” says Jemel, “please just leave. You know what I have to do with my brothers. I cannot face it if you are here. Go, go back to the palace. Free the Plumian slaves.”
Xan shakes his head, but says, “I do hope to. But I will not leave here until you are safe. In any case, if what you have told me is true, the best way to protect my people is to help you destroy this demon who will swallow the world.”
“You believe it?” Jemel says, surprised.
“I do not know. But I cannot risk that it is true.”
Jemel looks at Xan’s expression of concern. He is confused by him and by himself. But there is something. Xan believing in his life’s work touches him.
“I’m going back downstairs,” Jemel says. He stands from the bed, but his legs feel so strange and weak. He wobbles and falls against Xan’s chest. Xan catches him by the elbow.
“Please, Jemel, you must rest.”
Although he might want to, Jemel doesn’t protest as Xan helps him back onto the bed. “I don’t know what to think,” he says softly as Xan gently puts him in place.
“Does your head hurt?” Xan says.