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Bliss’s eyes glistened.
“He wasn’t gentle with me,” I continued. “He wasn’t cruel either. There’s a difference I didn’t understand before. Ryan didn’t need to soften his anger so I could survive being wanted by him. I met him there.”
“And afterward?” Aura asked.
I thought about his arms around me before the sex and the way he briefly held me again after. I remembered how quickly he pulled the distance back into place once tenderness threatened to say more than either of us could manage.
“He left.”
“Immediately?”
“Not immediately.”
“That distinction sounds important,” Bliss said.
“It is. He made sure I was okay. He helped me up. He held me.” I looked down at our joined hands. “Then he remembered why he came into the room and started putting the walls back together.”
Aura’s mouth tightened. “That is what I’m afraid of. You two are going to spend three days tearing those walls down and rebuilding them every time someone feels too much.”
“Probably.”
“That sounds exhausting.”
“He is exhausted.” I finally said the thought that had been forming since Ryan admitted what this weekend meant. “That’s what I think none of us are acknowledging. Ryan isn’t coming toward me because he suddenly trusts me. He’s tired of spending every day forcing himself away.”
Bliss remained quiet.
“Pain is driving him,” I said. “So is fear. Ryan survived his entire life by cutting away anything capable of destroying him. It makes sense that he believes the answer is one final controlled goodbye. He wants to prove we were perfect together, blame me for costing us that life, then carry the certainty back to Milwaukee.”
“And you think you can bring him back,” Aura said.
“I know I can’t drag him back. I tried chasing him after the breakup. I apologized until the words stopped meaning anything and sent messages through people he trusted. Ryan needed me gone, and I eventually respected that.” I leaned forward, holding Aura’s gaze. “This is different because he opened the door.”
“He opened it for sex.”
“He opened it because he misses me.”
Neither of them contradicted me.
“I know Ryan,” I continued. “I know what he sounds like when he truly feels nothing. I know what it looks like when he has finished with someone. If he were finished with me, he wouldn’t need three days to prove it. He wouldn’t have held me, admitted he missed me, or asked whether I understood what he was trying to do.”
Aura considered that. “What if he only needs the closure he says he needs?”
“Then I will give it to him.”
Bliss lowered her voice. “Even if it breaks your heart again?”
“Yes.”
The certainty surprised all three of us.
“I broke his,” I said. “That doesn’t mean I owe him mine as punishment. It means if experiencing us openly is what he genuinely needs to leave me behind, I won’t hide from that consequence. But I also won’t pretend I believe his plan will work simply because believing it makes him feel safe.”
Aura’s eyes narrowed. “What happens when it doesn’t work?”
“I keep showing up.”
“For how long?”
