Page 23
A knock comes at my door.
Instinctively, I know it’s Blake. Dov only comes to me at night, and Levi wouldn’t bother knocking, he’d just barge straight in and take what he wanted.
“Go away, Blake.” My voice is hoarse from all the crying and doesn’t sound like my own.
His deep timbre comes from the other side of the wood. “Either you let me in, or I let myself in. Either way, I’m coming through this door. You can’t carry on like this, Aspen. It’s not good for you.”
With a put-upon sigh, I swing my legs out of bed. I don’t care that I look like shit. My hair needs washing, and I’ve been wearing the same sweatpants and t-shirt for days.
I open the door, and even though I hate myself for it, the impact of seeing him standing there hits me like a blow to the chest. I know how his lips feel on mine, how strong his body is wrapped around me, how deeply he stares into my eyes when he penetrates me; it’s like a drug I can’t kick the addiction to.
“Go away,” I snap.
He rests one muscular forearm against the doorframe. “Aspen, I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t care. Leave me alone.”
“Pen, we’re all trapped inside the hotel until the pass opens up again. We need to at least be able to talk to one another. It’s not good to be left alone in this place.”
He steps closer, using the bulk of his body to push me back. Even though he’s not actually touching me, I still find myself responding to him, as though my body is accustomed to reacting to his and I have no power over it. Before I have time to react, he’s in my room.
I press my lips into a tight line. “Since when did you care about what’s good for me?”
“I do. You know I do.”
“No, you brought me here as a fuck toy for you and your sons.”
He hesitates. “I thought you would be good for us, yes.”
“And what about what would be good for me?”
“You needed someplace to stay. You needed somewhere you could call home. Don’t pretend like you didn’t get something out of this, too.”
“Your crazy son has been spying on me with cameras in the mirror!” I nod over to where the mirror is now covered in a blanket. “He’d drugged me so he could come into my room at night without me knowing about it. Don’t you think that if I knew the full truth of this, I might have made different choices?”
He throws up his hands. “What choices, Pen? What different ones would you have made?”
I fall silent, because he’s right. Even if I’d known the truth, would I still have come? I wanted Blake from the moment I set eyes on him again. Some people say that during times of grief, we need sex more. We need to feel connected to another person, to remind ourselves we’re alive and not alone. Did I use Blake in that way? I remember how I’d masturbated next to him while he was sleeping, using the pressure of his hand and the closeness of his body. He hadn’t had any choice in me doing that.
“I'm not going to apologize to you again, Pen.”
“You’re not?” I say, amazed at his impertinence.
“No, I’m not. I’m done saying sorry. What else was I supposed to do? I was in a difficult position, too. I had to protect my son. You know that.”
“That’s not the only thing you should be apologizing for. What about the fact you brought me here for you and your sons to fuck?”
“What else would you have had me do? Just leave you to roam the streets? To sleep on park benches or at bus stops or some shit like that? Is that really what you wanted?”
I stare at the floor, studying the knots and whirls in the boards. “Of course it isn’t.”
“I brought you here, I put a roof over your head. Food in your stomach. I gave you security.”
My chin snaps up. “Yeah, so that you and your sons could fuck me. Is that what the deal was? A roof over my head and food in my stomach in return for my body?”
He shrugs. “Doesn't seem like such a bad deal to me.”
I can't help but scoff. “Except you neglected to tell me what my side of things entailed, didn’t you? You waited until it was too late. In fact, you didn’t tell me at all. You let Levi have that job.”
