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So, I wrap my arms around my stomach and leave the ballroom, already planning exactly what to say when I’m alone with him, even though I should be staying as far away as possible.

7

AVERY

I hurry to the faculty building after my final class ends, relieved when I’m the first student standing outside Tobias’s office. He’s holding counseling sessions after school, which means he should be in there right now, waiting for anyone who needs to talk to him.

The relief is short-lived, because I don’t know what his reaction will be when we’re alone together. I don’t know what my reaction will be. All I know is that my stomach is clenching, and that I’m reaching for the handle of my dagger as if for emotional support, running through the possibilities of what to say in my mind.

I need to be direct and professional. There can’t be room for either of us to acknowledge that the last time we were alone together we gave each other everything, and that he was gentle until he wasn’t, and then I was bleeding on the couch, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at me.

I’m still staring at the door when footsteps echo in the hall behind me, and Tyler Brennan rounds the corner with his hands stuffed in his pockets. The dark circles under his eyes are worse than mine, and his sandy hair looks like he hasn’t bothered with it in days.

“Avery.” He stops a few feet away, glancing at the closed office. “You’re here to talk to him, too?”

“Yeah,” I say with what I hope is a smile. “I’ll try not to take long.”

My hand flies to the handle and twists. The door swings inward, and I step through, pulling it shut behind me in a fast, graceless motion.

Tobias is standing behind the desk with a stack of files in his hands, and he freezes when the door clicks shut and his eyes meet mine.

“Avery.”

My name comes out like he’s been practicing not saying it.

“Hi,” I say, and it comes out too high and bright. “Headmistress Holbrook said you’re doing student counseling after classes for anyone who needs it.”

I almost smack myself, since we were both there this morning when Constance made the announcement.

“You need to leave.” He sets the files on the desk with exaggerated precision, lining up the edges like it’s the most important task he’ll complete today. “It’s not safe for you to be alone with me.”

The words land like a punch in the stomach, and my right hand drops to my dagger, my fingers curling around the handle.

Tobias’s gaze snaps to my hand, and I release the dagger, but it’s clearly too late.

“You brought your weapon.” He twists the iron ring on his right hand, turning it around his finger with his thumb.

“We’ve all been keeping our daggers on us since the hellhounds.”

“You reached for it when I told you we shouldn’t be alone.”

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Because he’s right. And the worst part isn’t that I reached for the blade. It’s that my body did it without consulting my brain, which means the fear is deeper than the place where I make decisions.

“Avery.” He comes around the desk, and I tense against the door. “Please go.”

“I’m not here because⁠—“

“It doesn’t matter why you’re here. You walked into a room with a man who hurt you, and the first thing you did was reach for a knife. That’s your instincts telling you the truth.”

Heat pricks behind my eyes, and my fire stirs in my chest, restless and agitated.

“I’m not here to talk about what happened in the Drowned Tower.” I stand straighter, refusing to let him force me out. “I’m here because I saw Oliver in the Memory Flame this morning. He told me the Revenants want to get to the Crown. Then the memory collapsed, because someone took it from me, and you’re the only person who can help me get it back.”

He turns away from me and grips the edge of the desk with both hands, leaning his weight into it. The silver streaks in his hair catch the afternoon light, and his knuckles are white against the wood.

“You want me to enter your mind again,” he says slowly, as if he’s disgusted by the idea. “To touch you again.”

His words hang between us, and the fire in my chest flares so hard my ribs ache.