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“Hey, girl,” she said without looking my way.
“Hey,” I responded back solemnly. That made her look toward me.
“What’s wrong with you?” I didn’t know how to sugar coat it, so I just said it flat out.
“I was talking to Anton, and he told me I don’t know how to receive gifts because nobody ever gave me shit.”
“Hell naw I didn’t. I was trying to get some shit too.”
“Juanita, I’m serious.”
“Me too,” she said, throwing another chip in her mouth. “Plus, how he judging me when his mama was probably a hoe walking the streets?” My eyes bugged out of my head.
“Juanita! Why would you say that? You don’t even know that man’s mama.”
“Exactly. He don’t know yours either.” She said it so matter of fact, I had to think about it. She wasn’t wrong, but her ass wasn’t right either.
“Ma, can we have a real conversation for once? This not even about Anton.” Something about the way I said it must’ve gotten to her. She put the chips down and turned all the way toward me.
“What’s up?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was just thinking all the way back to when I was little. You never bought me shit unless it was my birthday or Christmas. Even then, you acted like I was doing too much.”
“Because you was.”
“See, this is pointless.” She smacked her lips and waved me off.
“Girl, finish. I’m listening.”
“I don’t ever remember you doing shit for me. You never gave me something because you wanted to. Then once I got grown, you not only didn’t give me anything, you took from me.” She nodded her head for a few seconds, and I just knew she was about to beat my ass.
“You think because I didn’t have money to hand you, I didn’t give you shit?”
“That’s what it seemed like,” I answered honestly.
“I’m a mother that makes shit happen, so you didn’t see our struggles. When you wanted to go on field trips, I didn’t have it. So, yeah, I stole some money out of somebody’s purse. Lights were about to get cut off. Fuck yeah, I cracked somebody’s card to pay it. When you wanted certain shoes because all your lil friends were getting a pair, I went in the store every time and stole them. So, I’m sitting here confused trying to figure out how I never gave or did shit for you.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“It was my job as a parent to make sure you didn’t. Don’t mean it didn’t happen. We were on the floor barely making it, so me and your father did what we had to do. Your daddy been locked up ten years, but the bills didn’t stop. I still had to make shit happen. Even if that meant stealing seventy five thousand to give to the bank because the house was in foreclosure.” My head snapped up and looked at her to see if she was serious. Juanita didn’t crack a smile.
“Wait, what? When was the house in foreclosure?”
“Obviously when you had the money hid in my closet.”
“Wow!” I didn’t know what else to say.
“I didn’t know you was gone have to give it back. I assumed if you hid it here, you wouldn’t need it right away. My intent was to find a way to put it back. I’ve done lil petty shit here and there, but when have you ever known me to actually take from you?” Thinking about it, she was right.
“You could have told me. I thought you just didn’t give a fuck.”
“What was telling you gone do? You had money lying in my closet I could borrow, and I had a bank on my line telling me they were about to take my house.” I realized there was a lot of shit I didn’t know about Juanita. I always assumed she was just scamming because that’s what she wanted to do. I damn sure thought she was being selfish when she took that money and wouldn’t give it back. When she told me it was gone, I thought she was lying. Even though I understood her now, it was some things that was still questionable.
“Everything wasn’t about surviving, though, Juanita. You stole from your own mama.”
“And if she wasn’t dead, I would do it again. If stealing from her meant my child was gone be good, that’s what I was gone do. Cus guess what your grandma wasn’t doing? Helping me with you. She didn’t give a fuck if you ate or not. I know you were my responsibility, but damn, you can’t feed your grandchild?”
“That’s crazy.”
