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She dropped into the chair with her head hung low. When she raised her head, and I saw tears in her eyes, somethin’ inside me broke. This fight ain’t have shit to do wit’ nobody else but me. I wanted her so bad that I didn’t care how it might make her feel.

“You don’t get to come back into my life and make me feel like this. This shit not fair. You won’t leave me alone, and you won’t let me leave. You’re playing with my fuckin’ feelings! You left me, JuJu!”

I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. Juicy had been walkin’ around like me leavin’ didn’t matter to her. But now I knew, and I could see it. This shit was hurtin’ her.

She shot up from where she was sittin’ and got right in my face. “No! Look at me! You don’t get to turn away. You had fifteen years to forget me! Why?”

I reached for her, and she backed away. “I didn’t forget. I swear on my life I didn’t.”

“Then why couldn’t I get a phone call? A text? A fuckin’ ‘Dear John’ letter? I got nothing but silence and a broken heart. You ain’t shit, JuMarion!”

“You right. You deserved better than that. I ain’t tryna fight, Juicy… Please.”

“Then tell me why! If not, leave me the fuck alone. Don’t call me unless it’s about work. Don’t touch me. Don’t even breathe near me,” she snapped.

I couldn’t tell her why. No matter how much I wanted to tell her the truth, I couldn’t. She gave me one final look, then moved around the room to grab her shoes. When I realized she was tryna leave, I felt like someone snatched the air from my lungs. My chest hurt watchin’ her put on her heels. It only got tighter as she walked past me. I braced myself against the table, ’cause I wasn’t sure if I could hold myself up. She was almost at the door, and every ounce of pride I had went out the window.

“Please… Don’t leave me, Juicy.” I could barely get the words out.

She stopped, but she didn’t turn around. Her shoulders dropped, and she let out a sound I couldn’t handle hearin’. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that my eyes burned as I listened to her break. But I couldn’t force her to stay. She ain’t deserve none of this shit. In my own selfishness, I’d take whatever she would give me. That’s what fucked me up the most.

She stood there so long I started thinkin’ she was gon’ walk out anyway. I couldn’t blame her if she did. I ain’t give her one good reason to stay. All I had was a bunch of shit I couldn’t explain and feelings I ain’t know what to do wit’.

I kept my hands on the table, watchin’ her shoulders shake. Every sound she made felt like somebody was twistin’ somethin’ inside my chest. I wanted to go to her. Wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was gon’ be alright, but I couldn’t even promise her that. Not when I knew what was waitin’ for me outside this fuckin’ room.

Juicy finally turned around. Her face was wet, her eyes red, and she was lookin’ at me like she ain’t have nothin’ left to give. I done seen this girl mad enough to throw shit at me. Seen her roll her eyes, cuss me out, and act like she couldn’t stand my ass. But this? I ain’t never wanted to see this look on her face again.

“It still hurts, Juvie.” Her voice cracked, and she pressed her hand against her chest. “Make it stop.”

My fuckin’ heart broke. I opened my mouth, but ain’t shit come out. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? I was the reason she was hurtin’. The same nigga she was askin’ to make it stop was the one who’d caused it.

“I know, baby,” I finally managed. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

She shook her head, cryin’ harder, and started walkin’ toward me. I straightened up from the table but stayed where I was. I ain’t wanna do nothin’ that would make her turn around again. She stopped right in front of me, close enough that I could see her bottom lip tremblin’.

For a second, we just looked at each other. Then, she stepped into me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I pulled her against me so fast I damn near knocked the breath outta myself. Her face disappeared into my chest, and I wrapped both arms around her, holdin’ her as close as I could. She started sobbin’, and I closed my eyes, restin’ my cheek against the top of her head.

I ain’t realize how bad I needed this shit until I had her in my arms. Fifteen years of wonderin’ what she was doin’, if she was happy, if she ever thought about me. Fifteen years of seein’ her face in every woman who smiled a certain way or laughed too fuckin’ loud. I had convinced myself that knowin’ she was alive and doin’ good was enough. That shit was a lie.

“I miss you, Juicy,” I whispered into her hair. “I miss you so fuckin’ much.”

Her arms tightened around me. “I missed you too, JuJu.”

I swallowed hard and kissed the top of her head. My eyes burned, and I ain’t even bother fightin’ it. She couldn’t see my face anyway.

“I know I hurt you, baby.”

She nodded against my chest, and I rubbed my hand up and down her back. Every few seconds, she’d take a shaky breath and hold on tighter. I ain’t rush her. Ain’t tell her to stop cryin’. If she needed to stand here and let fifteen years of hurt out on my shirt, I’d let her. We stayed there holdin’ each other for so long that my arms started shakin’.

When she finally lifted her head, she raised her hand, wipin’ tears from my eyes. I ain’t deserve that. Not at that moment. Not when she just let her heart bleed all over me. But I wiped her tears. My hand shook so hard that she grabbed it, rubbin’ her thumb across my knuckles. She pressed her body closer to mine until there was no space between us.

“You nervous, JuJu?”

“Yeah,” I admitted, holdin’ her waist tighter.

“Me too,” she whispered.

I looked down at her, tryna figure out how the fuck I was supposed to keep standin’ here with her pressed against me. Her hand was still wrapped around mine, and every time her thumb moved across my knuckles, I felt that shit somewhere in my chest. I ain’t been this nervous around a woman in my fuckin’ life. Not since her.