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Healing Hearts in the Little Village

Page 27

by Ella Cook

Callum’s heart ached for Liv, and he wished he could take away the pain he still didn’t fully understand. He knew she was suffering, but the wounds that hurt her so badly seemed far deeper and darker than anything he could have imagined. He wondered why his father hadn’t warned him about Liv’s pain, but then it occurred he might not even know. Not knowing what else to do, he held Liv against his chest, letting her tears soak into his shirt and stroked her back in calm, soothing motions similar to those that eased Sarah’s tears. He only hoped Liv was able to take some comfort from his presence.

After what seemed like agonisingly long minutes, her tears eased and she eventually looked up at him.

‘Sorry,’ she murmured, the word barely audible under the weight of more tears.

Callum looked down at her and swallowed hard — she was beautiful. Even with her eyes red and swollen, and her face blotchy, he had to resist the urge to lean down and kiss away the salty tears that glistened on her cheeks and lips. For a moment, he let himself believe that might take away her pain for a while, but she was clearly vulnerable and in need of a friend far more than anything else. There’s no way he’d compromise that.

So, instead, he reached for the blanket on the armchair and wrapped it around her shoulders, tucking it around her so she would feel safe and warm. ‘You’ve nothing to apologise for, Liv.’

‘I feel like I do. You didn’t need any of this.’ She took a deep breath, stepped away, and gave him an overly bright smile when she looked back up. ‘Thank you for seeing me home, Callum. I really am feeling much better. I promise you I’ll be fine. You should get off home.’

He drummed the fingers of his right hand against his belt as he considered what to do next. It was clear Liv was giving him permission to leave — dismissing him even — but it was equally clear to him that she was still incredibly upset, and he was willing to bet she’d be in tears again before he made it down the path of the cottage garden. And there was no way he was going to abandon her to that.

He gave her what he hoped was his most winning grin, and flopped down on her sofa. ‘I told you already, after that knock to your head it was a hospital check-up or obs by yours truly. If you think I’m reneging on that, especially now you’re upset, you’ve got another think coming.’

‘You are so frustrating.’

‘And you are sooooo stuck with me for tonight.’ He kicked his feet up on the footstool, making himself comfortable and sending her the clear message he wasn’t going anywhere. ‘So you might as well sit down, get comfy, and we’ll find a movie to watch or something.’

He watched as Liv gaped at him in shock — exactly as he’d planned — and emotions played across her face as she tried to decide how to react. He really, really hoped she was going to give in and open up to him rather than get angry.

‘Or,’ he added quietly, ‘you could sit down, and tell me what’s made you believe such horrible things about yourself.’ He knew it was a risk, and he could end up being turfed out on his behind, but he couldn’t think of any other way to help her.

He let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding as Liv’s shoulders slumped, and she sat back on the sofa, the blanket still held tightly around her shoulders as she stared into the flames. And began to talk.

Her voice was flat and quiet, and Callum hardly dared breathe for fear of disturbing whatever mood it was that made Liv feel able to open up. He hated that she looked so worn and tired, without the bright smile and happy glow he was so used to lighting up his day. But whatever it was that had hurt her so, he wanted to take it away, and the first step to treatment was always accurate diagnosis, so he’d listen to whatever she was willing to share — no matter how much worse it got.

* * *

Liv stared at the glowing light of the stove, and wished the heat was reaching her. It usually did but tonight, even with the blanket pulled tightly around her, she felt numb. ‘I never knew my father. And even though I know very little about him, and obviously never met him, I still missed him. When all the other girls were going to Daddy and Daughter dances, I was by myself. Every other kid made Father’s Day cards in June, and I had no one. I missed the idea of what having a dad should have been like. Mum brought me up by herself, because apparently her parents weren’t too pleased to find out she was pregnant with me and without a husband to support her. They actually told her to get rid of me. That they weren’t willing to interrupt their lives to help her. And when she refused, they told her to have me adopted. Or else.’

She risked a glance at Callum.

‘It was their loss,’ he told her earnestly. ‘You’re amazing. And your mum must be pretty amazing too, to bring up someone like you.’

Liv smiled sadly. ‘She was. She brought me up by herself — just her and me against the world. And it worked so well. I couldn’t have asked for a better family. She was my parent, best friend and biggest cheerleader. We didn’t need anyone else. Right up until she got sick when I was thirteen.’

Callum didn’t say anything, but his presence gave her the strength to carry on, forcing herself to remember the worst weeks of her life.

‘She fought hard — and we tried so many different treatments. But the cancer was in her pancreas and spreading before it was even found, and you know how that goes. She died a few days before my fifteenth birthday. Overnight I lost my family, my home and everything I’d known. My grandparents were apparently contacted, but didn’t want to step up, so there’s another rejection right there. At a point where I could have really, really used some family. But then again, I’m not sure I would have wanted to see them.’ Tears threatened to choke her again, even after all these years. ‘They let her die alone, Callum. Their own daughter. Even at the very end, they couldn’t be bothered to leave their retirement home in the sun to be by her side. What type of person does that?’

‘I don’t know, Liv.’ Callum stretched his hand out towards her, and she gratefully slid her good hand from under the blanket to wrap her fingers around his. His warmth seeped into her, driving back some of the cold that had filled her, giving her more strength to continue.

‘So I ended up in foster care. The people were nice enough, but they didn’t have any idea how to help a traumatised teen who’d just watched her mum die. And if I’m honest, I wasn’t exactly nice or easy-going back then.’ She shook her head, ashamed of her previous behaviour.

Callum squeezed her fingers reassuringly. ‘You were hurting, and had every right to be angry at the world.’

‘I shouldn’t have taken it out on them.’

‘I’m sure you’re remembering it worse than it was.’

Liv pulled a face, unconvinced. ‘I don’t know. I was pretty bad. But it didn’t last long. None of the placements did. I lost count of how many there were before social services decided I was probably old enough for a supported living flat. Something clicked in me that first night in the flat. Yet again I’d been packed up with little warning, half my things bundled into black bags, as someone else gave up on me — decided I wasn’t worth the effort — and shoved me out the door. But lying in that bed, knowing there was a specialist support worker in the next room waiting for me to screw up again — being paid to make sure I didn’t hurt myself or get into trouble — something changed. It was my last chance. Everyone was expecting me to fail, and if I did, my life would basically be over. And I realised how heartbroken Mum would be if I’d given up so easily. She gave up everything to have me, and bring me up. I couldn’t disappoint her. I know it sounds silly, but I realised I was the only real thing left of her — the only person who really knew and loved her. And if I let myself fade away to nothing, then it would be like she never existed. I felt like I owed her so much better. Like I said, silly.’

‘It’s not silly at all.’ For a moment, Liv thought he looked pained, but he gave her a reassuring smile, and she put it down to the firelight. ‘So that’s when things changed for you?’

Liv nodded, glad to be moving on to happier times. At least temporarily. ‘The organisation providing the flat helped me get back into school. Before Mum got sick, I’d always enjoyed school, and been quite good at it. My support workers helped me get on to some catch-up courses, then into a half decent college. I kept my head down and worked hard. Because I’d been in care there was some help — not much — but enough to help me do well in my UCATS and got a place in a good uni.’

‘Imperial and then your residency at Queen Elizabeth’s?’ He named the hospital his dad had worked at.