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‘OK.’ Yvette peered into a mirror, already distracted with her preening. ‘But don’t make us late.’

* * *

It had been over a week since Angela had told Ryan — or Rick — to go, and since he had left . . . with that woman. She couldn’t really blame him, not when there was a baby involved, and it wasn’t like he’d cheated on her . . . whatever that woman had said, she’d been there to witness their split, and it had seemed a pretty solid break-up to her. She tried to comfort herself with that thought, telling herself that it meant whatever she’d shared with him — whatever she’d thought they had shared — was real. But it didn’t really help her mood as she dragged Ernie’s food across the yard.

Rick — it was easier to think of him like that rather than Ryan — had tried to call her a couple of times the next day, but she hadn’t been able to face hearing him tell her that he’d chosen Yvette over her — which of course he would. She was beautiful, much more involved in his online world, and they had history together — and the future of the baby. And when she hadn’t answered his calls, he’d sent her a long message explaining what she basically feared — that he had to try and figure things out and work out how to support Yvette and his future child. Exactly what she’d expected — but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Ernie looked up when he heard her coming, and hmphed at her before hanging his head again. ‘Yeah, I’m not too thrilled that it’s just me either.’ She sighed and petted his nose. ‘I miss him too.’ She swallowed hard against the pain that the words brought with them, forcing herself to get on with her chores and look after her animals. They were innocent in this situation and didn’t deserve to suffer her moodiness.

Not that she deserved the pain either. She dumped the food in for the donkeys, and dragged the back of her hand — which was a bit cleaner than the rest — across her eyes and nose. She wasn’t crying, not really, it was just dust, or some other irritant escaping from the animals.

It wasn’t really anyone’s fault, so she didn’t have anyone to blame or be angry at, and she couldn’t decide if that made things better or worse. But it definitely didn’t make it any easier, or make it hurt any less.

Things with Ryan had been so lovely: he’d cosseted her, looking after her and fussing over her in much the same way that she did her animals — but in a way that was just so simple and easy that it didn’t make her feel awkward or indebted, as it did when other people tried to help. Ryan made her feel special, and like she deserved to be cherished, and she missed that feeling. She missed him, and his easy-going humour, and damn it, she even missed Mallow — despite the cockatoo still being overly quick with her beak when it came to Angela’s fingers.

The other thing she missed was his skill with computers and the website. She’d tried to make some edits to add some more information about the fundraising event she was planning, and instead had managed to crash it. She’d have to find someone who was a bit more tech-savvy to sort it out, but she kept hesitating. It was silly, because she knew it needed doing, but actually making the call felt like she was giving up on Ryan and the promises that they’d made to each other — and the future she’d been hoping for and starting to believe might actually be theirs. And even though she knew that that future was someone else’s now, it still hurt to let go of that dream and those hopes.

And it was really hard to sleep at night, in the bed that now felt a bit too big. She knew it was silly, but at 3 a.m. the bed felt a bit more empty than it had before.

* * *

‘Oooh, it’s cold.’ Yvette squirmed on the couch as the gel was applied. ‘And remember, we want the gender in an envelope so we can have a big reveal party.’

‘Yes, you mentioned that. A couple of times.’ The sonographer smiled and nodded. ‘Right, are we ready to meet baby?’

‘Yes.’ Yvette grabbed for his hand, and he held hers tightly, suddenly feeling excited. He was going to meet his son or daughter. If it had been his choice, he’d walk out of the room today knowing which, so he could start painting rooms, buying toys and picking out names. For the first time since Yvette had come back into his life, he actually felt excited by everything that was happening.

‘So, we don’t have any notes on you yet, but I understand this is your first scan with us?’

‘Yeah.’

‘All right, so we’ll get a look at baby, check them over, and then take some measurements to work out your due date. How does that sound?’

‘Good.’ He nodded, his eyes already glued to the screen. A rapid thudding filled the room, taking him by surprise. ‘Is that . . . ?’

‘Yes.’ The sonographer nodded. ‘That’s your baby’s heartbeat.’

‘It’s so fast, is that normal? Are they OK?’

‘Yeah, that’s normal.’ A nod and smile of reassurance. ‘And everything looks as it should. Ten toes, eight fingers, two thumbs — one of which is currently being sucked. Here.’ She used a finger to draw on the screen.

‘Ooh, look how cute she is!’ Yvette crooned.

‘She?’ He stared at her in surprise. ‘I thought you wanted to do the big gender reveal.’

‘I do, but look at that little nose — it’s definitely my nose.’

Given that he knew her current nose wasn’t the one she’d been born with, he decided not to comment. ‘I’m not sure it works like that.’

‘It doesn’t.’ The sonographer chuckled. ‘And even I can’t tell right now, because baby is feeling modest and hiding from me a bit. But that’s OK, we can give them a poke and see if they’ll move a little. But right now, I need to get the date measurements, OK?’

‘Of course.’ He nodded, still not wanting to take his eyes off the tiny, blurry figure on the screen.

‘You don’t need to do that,’ Yvette replied. ‘I’m sixteen weeks. We conceived in August, didn’t we Ricky? Ricky?’

‘Huh? Oh yeah. August.’ Before the accident. Before the courts. Before Angela. He sighed and looked back at the screen.

‘You can skip straight to the gender,’ Yvette insisted.