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Under a Greek Moon

Page 73

by Carol Kirkwood

‘Yes …’ She breathed in deeply. ‘And I’m glad I did. I love him so much.’

‘You always had a big heart, Shauna.’

Shauna felt herself start to shake and Demetrios, seeing her distress, reached out to her, but she backed away.

‘There’s something I have to tell you. And if I don’t do it now, I never will.’ She took a deep breath. ‘After I left Ithos, I went back to England, back to university … A few weeks later, I realized I was pregnant.’

A cloud passed over Demetrios’s face and his voice faltered. ‘I was careful … I don’t understand …’

‘Not careful enough.’

His face was anguished. ‘The child … did you …?’

‘I didn’t know what to do!’ she snapped. ‘I was nineteen years old. For as long as I could, I hid the truth. I wore big jumpers and baggy trousers so no one would know. Then I started skipping lectures. My tutor noticed, and came to see me at the flat I shared with Roxy.’

Demetrios worked his jaw. ‘And then what?’ he asked, his voice full of urgency.

‘I explained the situation. Joanna – the tutor – was wonderful. I was ready to drop out, but she told me not to rush into anything, to take my time working out my options.’ She swallowed. ‘I was only in my second year, you see.’

‘What did your parents say?’

Dredging up the long-buried memories was making her revisit the emotions too. Shauna’s eyes stung with tears, undermining her efforts to keep this as matter-of-fact as possible. She shook her head. ‘I could never have told my parents. They were Catholics … and it would have broken my father’s heart. I wasn’t brave enough, and I should have been.’ She choked on the words.

‘Shauna …’ Again Demetrios reached out to her, but she held her hands up.

‘You must let me speak.’ She took a deep breath to steady herself and went on: ‘Joanna put me in touch with an adoption agency. Roxy didn’t want me to do it, told me that she’d give up her studies too and we’d raise the baby together.’ Shauna swiped her tears away. ‘She meant it, too, every word. Roxy would have given up her dreams for me.’

Demetrios face twisted, trying to hold back his own tears. ‘Our child …’

Shauna couldn’t help a smiling at the memory of her. ‘She was the most beautiful little thing, Demetrios. She had a mass of dark hair like yours, and blue eyes – but the midwife told me that all babies have blue eyes when they are born.’

‘What happened to her?’

Shauna needed a moment to compose herself before continuing. She sat down and took a gulp of the wine. This was the hardest part of all. ‘I had signed the papers before she was born, but I knew it was the right thing – the best thing for her. We had an idyllic two days together. I couldn’t stop looking at her, she was such a perfect little thing, a miracle. When they came to take her away, they told me not to cry, that it would upset the child, so, I tried hard to be brave. I gave them a letter I had written, and asked them to give it to her when she was old enough.’

Demetrios kneeled down next to Shauna and held her hand as she continued. ‘She was asleep, her little rosebud lips slightly apart. I could hear her breathing. When I handed her over, she shuddered, her tiny hand reaching out for me before settling again. It was almost like she had reached out for me in her dreams … but I wasn’t there any more.’

For a moment they held hands in silence, united in their thoughts of the child they had created and then lost.

Then Demetrios wiped at his eyes, then shook his head. ‘What I will never understand is why you did not try to contact me,’ he said despairingly. ‘I could have helped … We could have found a way.’

His reaction lit a touchpaper. Shauna’s anger flared: ‘How dare you! I was banished from Ithos, and you never lifted a finger to help me.’

‘That isn’t true!’

‘Isn’t it? You didn’t even come to say goodbye. Instead, you let your mother do your dirty work for you, just like you let your family decide your future. You could have fought for me, but you didn’t.’

Demetrios looked back at her, speechless at first. Then he asked, ‘My mother? What does she have to do with this?’

‘Don’t tell me you don’t know!’

‘The day you left, I had gone to my parents’ villa. The business was in trouble and Sofía’s father was prepared to bail us out, provided I made an “alliance” with his daughter. When I came back to the boat, you were gone.’

‘Your mother had me thrown off the island. She came to the boat, told me that I was a fool to think that you loved me.’

Shauna saw a look of realization cross his face, then it hardened and he balled up his fists, his voice seething with rage and frustration. ‘I found out afterwards that Jeremy had fired you, but I had no idea that my mother …’ He reached out and held her by her shoulders, entreating her. ‘When they told me I must agree to marry Sofía in order to save the business, I refused. I said no, Shauna. I was in love with you, so I told my mother that I would choose my own wife.’

‘I don’t understand. Why didn’t you come back to the boat to get me?’