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“I looked at your coat more than occasionally too.” I turn our joined hands until our palms meet. “I wondered where you wore it.”

“Mostly buying groceries.” She gives a small smile. “Glamorous.”

“I bet you looked beautiful buying cereal.”

She steps closer, her sweater brushing my sleeve. I want to kiss her beneath this canopy while holding a ridiculous bear because she asked me to have fun.

A little girl appears and points at the toy. “He’s sad.” She looks concerned.

“He’s thinking about lumber prices.” I turn the bear toward her.

Anissa lets out a helpless laugh. After the girl leaves, she nods toward the river path, her fingers tightening in mine.

“Fewer interruptions there.” She looks up at me and I follow before she has to ask twice.

nine

Anissa

Silas sets the bear on the lookout bench, then joins me at the railing. Its solemn face gives it the authority of a chaperone. I catch Silas’s fingers before he can move away.

“You can stand beside me.” I tug gently. “I won’t fall apart.”

“I’m beginning to suspect I might.” He leans against the rail and watches me.

“Why didn’t you tell me before that last night?” I run a finger along the wood. “There were chances.”

“At first, I thought you were being kind.” He moves his hand beside mine. “Then I realized I was arranging my week around your visits to the shop.”

“I used to break things.” Heat climbs into my face. “Little things. A box hinge. My sewing drawer handle.”

He turns so quickly that I laugh. “On purpose?” He looks genuinely affronted.

“Not the chair.” I cover my eyes briefly. “That was actually broken. I wanted excuses to see you.”

“You didn’t need one.” He touches my wrist.

“I know that now.” I lower my hand. “I didn’t then.” His fingers close around mine. I cannot give my younger self the answer she deserved, but I can hear it now without pretending it doesn’t matter. “I missed you.” I study the buttons on his flannel shirt beneath his open jacket. “I hated missing you.”

“I missed you every day.” His thumb moves over my wrist. “Some days I managed to work around it. Others, I expected to find you sitting on the stool.”

“I checked my phone.” I meet his eyes. “Even after telling myself I wouldn’t.” He looks ready to apologize again, but I touch his sleeve. “I needed you to understand.” I stroke the worn cuff. “I think you do. I don’t want the whole weekend to be about making you pay.”

“I understand.” He holds my hand loosely. “It doesn’t mean you have to want me again.”

Wanting him is the easy part. I feel it every time I lean toward him, every time I notice his mouth while he talks. I’m tired of waiting for a sign that feels safe.

“I’m deciding whether to kiss you.” I tilt my face up, offering him my lips. “You could help.”

“I want you to.” He bends slightly toward me. “Very much.”

I rise onto my tiptoes and press my lips to his. His mouth is warm and softer than I expected. He lets me lean into him, his hands cupping my face, and I close my eyes, letting myself feel the tenderness instead of guessing what it means.

When I draw back to breathe, his forehead rests against mine. I have imagined this for years. Now that I have the real thing, I smile so hard the next kiss lands at the corner of his mouth.

“Sorry.” I laugh against his cheek. “Your bear is judging.”

“Let him.” Silas cups the back of my head. “He can turn around.”