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She immediately looks away.

My cock turns hard. I cover Charlie's ears and, in a hushed tone, ask, "Did you make me a dirty video?"

Lainey swats me. "No! Open your present."

"Then what kind of video is it?"

She points at the package. "Present first."

I set the card down and tear through the paper. The second I see the ultrasound picture, everything inside me stops. I stare at it. Then at the picture of Lainey super pregnant, glowing with the fall leaves around her, and her big belly. I point at it. "Look, peanut. You were in there."

It's two pieces of their life that happened without me.

I run my hand over the engraved metal plate beneath them.

Before you knew us, we were already yours.

My throat closes. I stare at the frame.

"Jagger?" Lainey nervously puts her hand on my arm.

I clear my throat. It doesn't help. "When was this?"

"The ultrasound?"

I nod.

"Sixteen weeks. The day I found out."

My thumb moves over the edge of the picture. I ask, "Did you know she was a girl?"

"Yep."

"Right then?"

"Yes, they told me."

I look at the other picture, pointing, "And this?"

"The day Charlie was born."

My eyes trace the curve of her stomach. "You were huge."

She punches my arm, laughing.

A chuckle breaks through the knot in my throat.

"Glad you can see clearly," Lainey mutters.

"Baby, you were."

"I know."

"You were fucking beautiful," I state, continuing to stare at her. I swallow again. I hate how much I missed.

I've been trying not to live there. Trying not to keep punishing both of us for something neither of us can change. But every once in a while, it sneaks up and punches me right in the fucking chest.

Lainey's hand settles on my knee.