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“Are you?” I move further into the kitchen, noting the cup of tea on the island, steam rising above the rim.

“Not to you.” He looks at the cat. “And not to her. I would never hurt you,” Sterling repeats. He tips his chin at the tea. “Humans find that comforting, and I think you need to be comforted right now.”

I ache inside, because I want him to be my comfort, not the cause of my need for it. Ignoring the offering, I consider pouring myself a glass of something stronger, then decide against it. I tried finding solace at the bottom of the bottle after Pops died, and it worked for a time, maybe, but nothing washes away grief. Meeting Sterling made me feel less alone, but the sadness is still there. Especially in the moments where I wish I could knock on Pops’ bedroom door and ask his advice, only to quickly remember that he’s gone. I can only hope that time will make it easier. I’m pretty sure I won’t find answers to this what the fuck situation in a bottle of whiskey, either.

Keeping myself angled towards him, I take up position, leaning against the furthest countertop from where Sterling is perched. The space between us hums with friction and unspoken words.

“I’m listening.” I look at the clock. “You’ve got fifteen minutes and then I want you gone.”

“Sweethea-”

“And none of that, Sterling. Just the blunt truth.” I have to be angry, or I’ll break down and let the heartache swallow me whole.

He places both hands, palms down, on the wooden counter in front of him.

“Okay. What do you want to know?”

“What are you? Where do you come from? Why are you here? That’s as good a place as any to start.”

With my hands on the edge of the counter behind me, I push myself up to sit, my legs hanging over the edge.

“Your friend calls me The Beast of the Sea, and that’s probably the most fitting name. I have lived for over a hundred and fifty years and mostly in the sea, but I have also spent some years living on land, on the outskirts of humanity. Studying and adapting to fit in. But really, inside I am the man you know. The one who has never understood this concept of love humans talk about so fondly until I met you. I understand now because I feel it. I have spent weeks falling in love with you, Caspian.”

My heart skips a beat at the confession, but I ignore the feeling, narrowing my eyes at him. “Sterling,” I warn and he holds up his hands then taps them on the counter before pulling the untouched mug of tea closer, giving himself something to fiddle with while he talks.

“I came here a few days before your accident.”

“Why?”

“Because your lighthouse called to me. That’s how it works, how it has done for as long as I can remember. There’s an electrical pulse lighthouses emit that I can feel.” He rubs his chest. “And when they’re in trouble, I sense it. Think of it like electroreception. It’s much like the way sharks find prey, but where their receptors are near their mouths, mine sits beneath my heart.”

“So my lighthouse is in trouble?” I ask, mulling over his words while watching the way he’s still rubbing circles over his heart.

“Yes, and no. I never know exactly why I’m called until the danger reveals itself. An oil spill that’s affected a group of penguins. A fire threatening to destroy the lighthouse itself. A landslide jeopardising a tour group. This time, I think it was to save you.” He shrugs. “The why isn’t important. I came because something or someone in Newbridge needed me. And then there you were.”

“You’ve been watching me?” All those nights, I thought I felt like I wasn’t alone. All the shadows in places they shouldn’t have been, the noises and the unexplained lights. It all makes sense now.

“I have.”

I laugh, but there is no humour in it. “Well, at least you’re being honest for a change.” Bagel, who has been watching the whole encounter, sidles up to me and butts her head against my hand. I scratch her ears, smiling down at her because she senses I need her as both a comfort and as a reason to look away from Sterling.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Anger hits me like a sudden gust of wind and I thud my heels against the cupboard beneath me. Bagel startles, jumping off the counter and hurrying out of the kitchen.

“What exactly are you sorry for, Sterling?” My voice rises, breaking on his name. I fist my hands on my thighs. “Lying to me about why you’re here? Pretending to be working while, in fact, you were stalking me?” My eyes burn and I blink them, internally begging the tears not to fall. “Or maybe you’re sorry for trying to scare me and messing with my farm.”

His eyes widen. “My sweet, that wasn’t me. I would never -”

“I know! You would never hurt me. You keep saying that. And yet you have.” Those fucking tears fall and I wipe them angrily with the back of my hand. “You have. When you lied about why you were here, you hurt me. When you made me fall in love with this fake version of you, you hurt me. But most of all, when you let Pops die, you hurt me.” I shatter. My heart tearing in two. All the grief and anguish of losing Pops swallows me whole, mixed in with the utter sadness that the relationship I thought I had with this magnificent man wasn’t real. I’m a fool. A sad, heartbroken fool.

Covering my face with my hands, I cry. My chest tightens and I heave on the effort it takes to suck in air. And then warm hands are on top of mine, gently pulling them off me. Sterling wraps one big hand around my wrists, and presses a thumb under my chin, tipping my face until I’m looking at him. There is not enough fight in me to push him away.

“I tried.” He rests his forehead against mine. “That day, I went back out into the water and I tried to save him, Caspian. I promise you, I tried. But I was too late. The minute I saw you were in danger, I swam out to you, but even for me, the water was too rough. It shouldn’t have been. I should have been able to get to you quicker. I don’t know why I couldn’t.”

A sob breaks past my lips and Sterling moves his hand to rest at the nape of my neck, squeezing and anchoring me to him so that I don’t float away on my heartbreak.

“I never wanted to lie to you. But I knew you would never believe me and if you did, you wouldn’t accept me, and I wanted you, sweet Caspian. I have never wanted anything in my life, not the way I want you. I was selfish, and that is what I am sorry for.”