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There is a rose on the counter, though. A single yellow rose. I pick it up and hold it to my nose. Its fragrance is fresh and sweet with hints of citrus. I pop it into a long-stemmed vase, then push aside all thoughts of lovers and monsters and focus on my usual morning routine. There is something comforting in repeating the same actions day in and day out – like even though my world has been tipped upside down, the goats and sheep still need to be fed, my herb garden still needs to be watered and bills have to be paid.
While everything changes, some things remain.
Kiernan is waiting for me at the backdoor of Iona’s when I pull in just before sunrise. His hair is swept messily to the side, and he’s wearing a pink hoodie that still has that brightness of something new and unblemished.
“Morning, boss,” he says as I take out my key and unlock. He follows me inside, switching on all the lights and the oven. Then he turns to me, his eyes widening, lines appearing at the sides of them as his smile grows. “That vacuum got you again,” he jokes, gesturing to my bruise-covered neck. My cheeks burn and I automatically run a hand over the biggest bite. Little sparks of something akin to pleasure zip through me unexpectedly, and I pull my hand away and drop it to my side.
“Holy shit, that is some bite.” Kiernan steps closer. “I am trying not to be jealous right now, but Cas, seriously, it looks like he tried to eat you. Fuck, tell me he ate you?” He winks and I swat him away, every part of me now burning up.
“I’m not talking to you about my sex life,” I admonish, turning my back on him and heading to the pantry. He follows, helping to take out the ingredients for today’s specials.
“Sigh. I guess I will get my gossip elsewhere then.”
It occurs to me then, as I’m sprinkling flour on the counter, that if there was anyone who could offer me advice on my current ‘I think I’m in love with a supernatural being’ conundrum, it’ll be Kee.
“Kee. I’m going to ask you something and I need you to answer without asking me anything back. Do you think you can do that?”
Kiernan leans against the wall, legs crossed at the ankles, a thoughtful expression on his face.
“Colour me intrigued.”
“Promise me, Kee.”
He sighs for real this time. “Okay, fine. I promise. Ask away.”
I weigh out the sugar and butter for chocolate and raspberry muffins and add it to the bowl of my industrial sized mixer. Once it’s all in, I take a dish out and fetch the carton of eggs. Kiernan waits patiently until I return.
When I feel as ready as I’m ever going to be, I start. “Let’s say you fell in love -”
“I wish.” Kiernan grins, then covers his mouth with the palm of his hand. “Sorry. Continue, you were telling me how you’ve fallen in love with Sterling.” His words come out muffled.
I huff. “That is not what I was saying!”
He claps his hands together in this obnoxious way he does when he’s playing coy. “No? Okay, my mistake.”
I fling a teaspoon at him and he jumps out of the way in time for it to hit the wall instead. He laughs, moving to lean against the counter next to me.
“Back to my very hypothetical question,” I say. “Say you’ve fallen in love, and you’re happy, but then you find out that the person has been keeping a life-changing secret from you. What do you do?”
Kiernan blows out a breath, adjusting his stance.
“I know you said not to, but I’m going to need to ask some follow-up questions.”
“Okay.”
“Is it life-changing in a good way?”
“It could be.”
He draws a pattern in the flour on the counter as he thinks, looking at me when he speaks. “Was the secret kept to protect someone?”
I think over that question. I know with every bit of my heart that Sterling didn’t keep the truth hidden to hurt me. If I think about it closely, his decision to omit the truth makes sense. After all, that day on the beach when he told me his theory about the sea lions, I looked him in the face and said that supernatural creatures are not real. I denied his very existence. And then there is the fact that he tried to save Pops and he couldn’t and the pain in that knowledge stings like a cut in saltwater. And not because I think he failed me, but because the look on his face when the accident was mentioned says he believes that he did.
“I think so.” I don’t elaborate because there is too much involved in the answer and I’m not ready to divulge all of it to Kiernan.
“Well then, if you want my two cents – which isn’t worth much given my terrible track record with relationships – I think sometimes people hold things back because they think they have to. If Sterling was keeping a secret from you, maybe you need to find out why. And then you can decide if you can live with it or whether you have to end things.”
The thought of not being with him makes my stomach ache worse than knowing he’s lied to me since the day we met.
