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Ayanna nodded. “You have my word. We’ll find a way.”

All of a sudden, I was incredibly tired. I still didn’t trust the White Rose, but I also couldn’t go back to scouting the woods, hoping that somehow, a solution would magically appear. Fuck that.

On top of that, I imagined what Claire might be going through, even we sat here talking. The thought of her—alone, afraid, maybe in pain—was the only answer I needed. The horrible emptiness in my chest, the sleepless nights, the days spent scared out of my mind for her was the only answer I needed. I’d rather spend forever burning in hell with her than live in paradise alone.

I sighed, sitting back in my chair, resigned to whatever came next.

“What do you need?”

“This is how you get in and out?”

It was later that night, after most people would’ve gone to sleep, and I was staring at a narrow hole in the ground, only just big enough to fit a person. It was dark below, with no bottom in sight. Lantern held high, Ayanna had pulled back a camouflaged stone cover to reveal it; I doubted anyone could’ve found it if they didn’t know it was there. Despite this, Ayanna told us that the site was heavily guarded by White Rose members, who stayed hidden among the brush in case a bunch of Delta soldiers showed up.

“It’s an old escape tunnel,” Ayanna said. “They built them at the same time as the compound. It was intended to be used by elite officials in case they needed to evacuate. There are three of them; this is just the one we use. It lets out in the warehouse district.”

“Don’t they know you use it?” Kimmy asked, disbelieving. “Why don’t they destroy it?”

Ayanna chuckled. “Because ultimately, they still want the escape route if things go to shit, and seeing as they currently are, they don’t want to risk eliminating one of only three emergency exits. We have reason to believe the Order is using at least one of the other tunnels, and they’re more afraid of them than us.”

“Awesome,” I said. “Jim J’s recommendation is the only reassurance I need.”

Ayanna rolled her eyes. “It really is fine, John. But as a precaution, you should wear this.”

She reached into the pack she’d brought with her and drew out a couple of gas masks, like the ones we used at the farm when handling pesticides. I took it from her, feeling a bubbling dread in my stomach once again.

“They gas the tunnels sometimes,” she said, almost apologetically. “Trying to catch us unaware. As a precaution, we always wear them in the tunnel and inside the compound. It conceals our faces, too, which you’ll definitely need since you’re a Wastelander. Anytime you’re outdoors in the compound, you should be masked.”

“Please, tell me more about all the ways this tunnel is a deathtrap,” I said with a sigh.

Ayanna shrugged. “I’m back and forth through it several times a week. At least you’ll only have to go in and out once each.”

Kimmy clapped my shoulder. “It’s nothing new.” She gave me a playful nudge. “Just the latest in a long line of ridiculously risky shit you’ve done in the past couple years.”

“I guess,” I admitted. “Doesn’t mean I like it, or leaving you here.”

Kimmy squeezed my shoulder. “I know.”

We’d decided that Kimmy would stay behind at the camp, both to look after the horses and to tend to the wounded, who were usually transported back to the camp for treatment once they were out of danger. She’d come inside when needed to act as a medic onsite.

“She’ll be safe,” Ayanna had promised me, her jaw set in determination. “She’s a rare resource with her nursing skills, and our people will do everything to protect her.”

I hated leaving Kimmy, but she could handle herself. Ayanna gave me a handheld radio that I could use to call the camp and check on my sister, and let Kimmy contact me if needed. That made it easier.

I pulled the gas mask on over my head. I’d already changed into the black soldiers’ uniform Ayanna gave me, along with the black White Rose armband. She also gave me a black cloak with a hood, insisting that my hair would stand out. As a Wastelander, I needed to be totally disguised. The only things I had of my own were my pack and my guns. Ayanna had offered me more modern firearms, but they had fingerprint scanning and weird extra features I had no idea how to use and didn’t have time to learn. The last thing I wanted was to fuck up at a critical moment.

When I pulled up the hood, Kimmy gave me a thumbs up. “You look terrifying.”

I choked on a laugh right before she hugged me. My arms went around her automatically, and I swallowed hard when my throat suddenly felt tight.

“Don’t die, you idiot,” Kimmy said with humour, but her voice strained. “I’ll never forgive you otherwise.”

“I’ll do my best.” I couldn’t think of anything better to say.

“And tell Claire I miss her.”

I smiled weakly before realizing she couldn’t see it.

“I will.”