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Torturing yourself won’t accomplish anything except exhaust you before you’ve even begun to help, I told myself sternly.

I’d find my moment.

Chapter 12

John

Asolid week passed. A week where I did nothing but help with raids on resources and hunt for food to feed everyone. A week where Ayanna spent most of her time back at the forest camp, frustrating me to no end. A week where I had to sit, every night, and watch as the other White Rose members gathered around a TV and gawked at my wife attending all these weird, fancy events, where she was so overly made up that I barely recognized her.

The speeches she gave were pretty generic. A bunch of stuff about unity and solidarity in the face of the Order. They didn’t even address the White Rose, despite our raids on a few of the businesses in our area. That surprised me, but Hector muttered something about how they still didn’t want to even acknowledge the dissent within their own ranks. They were a lot more confident that they could crush the militia.

Maybe the weirdest thing was that despite all the talk about the Order, they were radio silent. I heard about anonymous, small-time attacks that people around me connected to the Order, but they never openly announced themselves. Somehow, their secrecy made me more nervous. It made me wonder what they were planning.

They all only seemed to see what they wanted to see: that she was helping a regime they hated, one that had killed their family and friends. Ayanna still didn’t think it would help to tell them the truth, that the whole thing was fake from the beginning.

So, I couldn’t blame them, given how they’d been lied to, but I knew Claire. I saw all the moments that they didn’t—those split seconds before the camera panned away from her. How she looked like a deer in headlights, terrified and exhausted and unsure. Worse, she looked sad. Lonely. She had no desire to be where she was, or talk to any of these people. She needed me.

Part of me was just glad to see proof she was alive. But the other, bigger part of me wanted to roar with outrage at how unfair this all was, and how helpless I still felt.

“Why aren’t we planning to get her out of there?” I asked Ayanna sharply for the millionth time, standing in her makeshift office inside one of the abandoned warehouses.

“The time’s not right yet,” was her constant reply. “We can’t just waltz in there and take her. She’s under heavy surveillance and guard, 24/7. Besides, you still have a job to do.”

I gritted my teeth. “Yeah, and making zero progress on this isn’t encouraging me to do it.”

She leveled a stern look at me. “We had a deal. You can’t leave until the job’s done.”

Anger rose inside me. “Is that what this is about? You got your panties in a twist because you think I’ll duck out as soon as I’ve got her back?”

“I don’t know,” Ayanna replied in a careful tone. “Will you?”

“Fuck you,” I snarled. “Holding her hostage to keep me here. She’s a person, not a pawn. That’s not a reason not to rescue her.”

“There are plenty of good reasons not to right now,” she answered. “These things take time. Have a tantrum if you want, but it’s not going to do any good.”

“Fine,” I shot back, raising my hands. “I quit, then. You can find someone else to do your dirty work. I’ll find some other way.”

I dropped my gas mask on her desk and turned to leave.

“Wait,” she called at my back, sounding stressed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that. I really have been trying to think of the best time to rescue Claire, but the truth is that there isn’t really a ‘best’ time. I think we may just have to go for it at the first opportunity, even if it’s risky.”

I turned back around. “Keep talking.”

“Just before you came in, I got intelligence that they’re holding a public event with her in a couple days. It’ll be her first time mingling with the actual people of the Delta, rather than a closed gathering of elites. We’re planning on crashing it…so maybe you can turn that into an opportunity.”

“How, exactly?”

“The name of the game will be to cause chaos and confusion, especially around Claire. She has a personal bodyguard, so we’ll try to draw him into the fight and away from her. Getting her out of there and back here is your job.”

“Done,” I said, without a second of hesitation. “Anything else I should know?”

“I’ve asked Kimmy to come along,” Ayanna said, biting her lip. She looked almost embarrassed, which confused me. “Mostly to act as a medic, though she’s told me she’s not a bad shot herself.”

“She’s good,” I confirmed. “She can handle herself. But…don’t tell her I said this: I’d feel better if you sent people to cover her specifically while she’s working. Call it a big brother thing.”

For the first time that day, Ayanna smiled. “I’ll cover her personally, along with a couple of my best. You don’t need to worry. Just focus on getting Claire.”

I relaxed a little for the first time in days.