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When I sat up, alarmed, he rolled to the side. Long, angry red lines marked his flesh, from between his shoulder blades to his lower back. My cheeks grew hot, and John grinned.

“Sorry,” I said sheepishly, covering my eyes.

He chuckled and folded me in his arms again. “It’s kind of sexy. Maybe I like my wife marking me.”

“Yeah?” I asked, still a little embarrassed. “They don’t hurt?”

He shrugged. “Not now. I like seeing your wild side come out, baby.”

That made me join him in incredulous laughter, and we lapsed back into comfortable silence, holding each other. I was conflicted between contentment and anxiety at our impending separation. Now that we’d been reunited, I recoiled at the thought of slipping into my cold bed alone again. His presence meant warmth and comfort even on the most frigid nights, and just the thought of being deprived of him again made a lump rise in my throat.

“What are you thinking about?” John asked against my hair, pressing another kiss there. He traced soft, soothing circles on my bare shoulder with his thumb. “I can practically see the wheels in your head turning.”

I shook my head, banishing my thoughts. I didn’t want to mourn his absence while he was still here, warm and sweet and sated in my arms. I needed to savour the moment.

“My heart,” I said quietly, stroking his chest. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“Mm,” he murmured, and I looked up at him. His amber gaze was soft. “It’s what you are. When we were apart…I did some bad things, trying to get you back.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Captured some Delta soldiers and tortured them for info on how to get inside,” he replied, looking away. He didn’t like me knowing this side of him. “I was desperate, and there weren’t a lot of options. Not proud of it…but I also didn’t feel bad for doing it. I would’ve done anything to get you back. Still would.”

“John,” I whispered, pained. The rawness in his voice called out to me.

“Anyway,” he continued, clearing his throat abruptly, “I wondered if I was turning into a monster. But I told myself that you took my heart with you…and that I wasn’t going to feel a second of guilt till I found you again. Whatever it took.”

I caressed his cheek, and he leaned into my touch with a deep sigh, shutting his eyes.

“You have the biggest heart I know, darling,” I said softly. “There’s no one else who’d break into a heavily fortified compound just to find me again, I promise you.”

He turned his head to kiss my palm. “You’re worth it.”

My heart melted, and I snuggled closer to his heat. Then, I began to tell him about my time inside the compound, about Julius and the shadowy Omega Corporation that seemed to be behind the compounds, about the scheme that had come to fruition before either of us were even born. He listened quietly, rubbing my back and letting me unload. I omitted nothing but my time in the White Room. That’d only upset him, make him even more desperate to extract me from this place, and that wouldn’t do either of us any good.

There was a heavy silence after I finished. “What is it?”

John made a soft, vulnerable sound in his throat. “I’m scared for you. And I feel helpless.”

Good thing you didn’t tell him about the White Room. I was afraid, too, but I didn’t want to show it. Instead, I pulled his lips back to mine and ran my hands over his naked form. It was a very effective distraction; he groaned and pressed my body to his.

When we made love again, it was the slower, sweeter kind that neither of us had been capable of before. I followed John’s every move, his every expression, with rapt attention. I needed the memory of his face, his touch, his whispered sweet nothings, to keep me going. Indeed, it was the only thing that had in this hellish place.

But as I knew it would, our time soon drew to a close, and I watched him get dressed with lead in my belly.

“I don’t want you to go,” I admitted thickly, wringing my hands despite my resolve not to show my fear to him. I felt foolish saying it, because after all, I was back here at my own insistence. I’d overruled John’s objections. I’d done it to save him and Kimmy, but that didn’t mean I hated it less. I should’ve pretended to be braver, stronger, for my husband’s sake…but I never was very good at pretending with him. He’d always seen me more clearly than I even saw myself.

John held me at arm’s length, then leaned in to kiss my forehead. “I’ll come back, sweetheart. I’ll always come back for you. You don’t need to worry about that.”

I sighed. “I don’t doubt you. It’s just…I wish I knew when we’d be home again.”

He took a sharp intake of breath that sounded painful before he reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. His hand lingered at my cheek, as though he couldn’t help touching me. I leaned my cheek into his palm and sighed, savouring his warmth.

“Come with me, sweetheart,” he murmured—a low, hopeful plea. “We can make a run for it. Try again. Maybe this time, we’ll be able to get the tracker turned off before—”

I shook my head gently, and he stopped short, swallowing hard. My stomach felt heavy, my chest tight. The urge to escape, to be with him again, nearly overwhelmed me. I needed him like I needed air. Ironically, however, that was the reason I had to stay behind.

“It’s too much risk to you, and to everyone at the garrison,” I replied softly. “Until we have a better plan, it makes sense for me to stay and tell you what I’m learning. I have to protect you.”