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He cut her a look of soft exasperation. ‘Alex, you surprise me. I wouldn’t have thought you’d be ruled by what people think of your decisions.’
She grinned. ‘I’m mindful of people I love and how it affects them. That said, I do feel myself caring less and less about appearances, I fear.’
‘That sounds dangerous.’
‘It’s why I’m here, living dangerously.’
‘I don’t know what to say to that.’
She smiled. ‘White with one?’
‘Just white is fine, thank you. I got used to no sugar while we were . . .’ He lifted a shoulder. ‘No sugar please.’
She stirred in the milk to both china cups. ‘You don’t like to talk about the war, do you, Harry?’
‘I’d be surprised if you find many men who do. Maybe in time but no, not now; I think all of us want to avoid it.’
‘Pretend it never occurred?’ She frowned, passing him the teacup and saucer.
He took them, placing them on the table. ‘That’s impossible and naïve. No, just sideline it so we can recover. Those of us who survived are nevertheless wounded in so many ways; some of us I fear will be damaged in our minds permanently. But we need to move on, not dwell or keep discussing what it was like. We have to build new lives for ourselves and put some distance between us and the trenches where our friends were left.’
‘Harry, that makes you sound so forlorn.’
He gave her a look akin to a shrug. He watched her pause as though she was making an important yet difficult decision.
‘Will you do something for me?’
‘Anything.’
The response hung between two ticks of the clock and she seemed to decide to act on her question within that second. ‘Will you take me upstairs and, with my wholehearted permission, share with me what we both want to do, why we both know we’re here today, knowing that I am not going to make anything difficult for you?’
He didn’t move, torn between permission and instant surging desire but also his soldier’s sense of discipline and what he knew was right. The right thing to do meant walking out of the cottage this moment. She sensed it too and stood, rising higher than the steam from their untouched teacups.
‘I’m going upstairs. I hope you’ll join me,’ she said and turned her back on him to climb the fourteen steps; he counted her tread on each, listened to her footfall across the floor above him. A few moments later he heard the soft protest of a bedspring and then silence.
Harry took a long breath before leaving behind the tea tray, the clock ticking in time to his ascent of the stairs. He had to bend to avoid hitting his forehead as he reached the top of the flight, looking right towards closed doors and left to an open door to a room of colour that contrasted with Alex’s taupe blouse and navy skirt. Her back was to him and Harry noted minutiae in this tense moment . . . the soft sheen of the pearl buttons down the length of her heavy silk blouse that fell in soft, pleated drapes. She was seated on the far side of the canopied bed of rich raspberry-coloured brocade, looking out through small panes of glass dressed with voile and heavier rose-coloured chintz, which was swept aside with thick ropes and tassles. He saw the rainbow glint of Tiffany glass lamps and gilt-framed landscapes of moonlit night scenes hung on the wall facing him.
Are you sure, Harry? the voice of conscience wondered. There will be a cost.
After this day, he promised himself, he would always ‘do the right thing’.
Do you swear it? his conscience demanded.
I do, he murmured in a low whisper.
At that breath, Alex turned, her soft smile finding its echo in her eyes. ‘I hoped you’d stay, believed you would.’
‘You can read me that well?’
She stood, faced him properly and shook her head sadly. ‘The truth is, I can’t read you at all. You are so closed. I know only what I can feel, though, Harry. And what I feel for you is like no other sensation in my life and what I sense you feel in return . . .’ She shook her head again. ‘I have to trust my instincts.’
‘What about your —’
‘Hush,’ she warned. ‘Don’t say it. Don’t speak his name.’
‘He’s here with us, though.’
‘So are all the dead men in your dreams, all those memories you are trying so hard to banish. Let’s let everyone else go for a few hours. Let this be about two people who should never have met but fate decided to throw together.’ She opened her palms. ‘The universe wanted this to happen.’
