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‘We still could.’ She looked up at him, searching his face.
He laughed, but not unkindly. ‘Don’t be absurd. I’d be an old man before our child hit their teens.’
‘And I’d be grey,’ she said, acceptance smoothing her expression. She looked at him tenderly for the first time in years and stroked his cheek. ‘My mother felt you had so much more to offer than Gordy. Plus, I couldn’t resist you. Even now, while everyone else looks paunchy and middle-aged, you still seem to look like a young man.’
He pointed to his ears with a smile. ‘Haven’t you noticed my grey?’
‘But you look distinguished,’ she said in a sad tone. ‘I’ve never not loved you, Peter. I just didn’t know how to love you, or how you wanted to be loved. You’re right, we don’t connect anywhere, do we? We have nothing in common.’
He shook his head. ‘No. We never have. I do wish we’d talked like this a dozen years ago.’ He sighed.
She gave a laugh. ‘I don’t think anything would have put me off marrying the handsome, heroic airman that every girl in my circle was swooning over.’
‘So it was because of others.’
‘I suppose so,’ she said in a tone of surrender. ‘Everyone was so charmed by you, other women so jealous of me… how could I not?’
‘Because you loved someone else, you fool.’ He smiled to take the sting out of his words.
‘Didn’t you?’
‘What?’ His tone spoke of genuine shock.
‘In the early days, I thought maybe you too had someone special in your past…’ She trailed off, waiting. ‘Malta perhaps?’
His forehead creased with consternation. ‘Whatever gave you that idea?’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know, Peter. You’re so remote. It sounded to me like you were happier during your wartime years than you were in peacetime here in dear old England.’
‘No,’ he began. ‘I was young in Malta, stupidly daring, and I felt invincible until I squarely faced death and realised I was as fragile as the next person. But we had to be fearless. That bold state of mind gave a swaggering confidence that we needed to do what was required of us. I do think of that time with memories of happiness, yes. But that’s because of the drive and excitement, the notion that we were somehow saving the world. I’ll admit that it was fun to be treated like a hero… everyone loved us in Valletta.’
‘And back home?’
‘Back home…’ he reflected. ‘Well, I became a teacher of those pilots, and then a civilian, returning to my quiet art world, and then a cuckold.’
‘Oh, Peter. I’m sorry.’
‘Well, if I had been a better husband, maybe Gordon would have been forgotten,’ he said, giving her a way out of her guilt. ‘Listen, I’ll go to London for a while. Why don’t you take some time to reflect, speak to Gordon and see whether there’s a future for you both? I believe there might be. But I can’t give you the house, Delia.’ He gave a small shrug. ‘It’s all I have of my family.’
‘I know,’ she murmured. ‘It’s all right.’
‘But I’ll make sure you’re well set up.’
There was an awkward pause, and he stood, straightening to his full height, feeling as though a heavy weight had been lifted from his back. ‘Right, then. Are we going to be very grown up?’
She looked at her feet and shook her head in helplessness. Peter offered his hand, and she took it. He raised her up from the chair and wrapped his arms around her. It was the first time in years they had embraced so tenderly.
‘You’re going to be fine, Delia. Better than fine. You’re a beautiful, social woman who deserves a lot more than I’ve given to this marriage. You’re going to be happier than you have been in a long time, because you already have someone waiting for you. Tell him what’s happening – don’t be scared. No horrid confrontation, no argument, no beating of chests or dented masculine pride. Assure him that I’m very happy for you both and if he’d like to talk, I’ll gladly chat to him.’
She looked up at him. ‘I don’t know if I have your courage.’
‘You simply need to trust what your instincts are telling you… that I’m right.’ It made her laugh again tearily, and he smiled at her, genuinely, for the first time in as long as he could recall. ‘Come on, kiss me goodbye. I’ll go pack for London.’
‘How can I reach you?’
‘At the club.’
She nodded, then rose up on tiptoe and put her lips gently against his. He was going to accept the tender peck, but instead he squeezed her tighter, softening his mouth to kiss her properly, lingering so she knew there was nothing perfunctory about his affection. This was their farewell, sealing their time together, closing their marriage. It was the most feeling he’d given over to Delia in as long as he could remember.