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‘Exactly,’ her mother said, sounding relieved her daughter finally understood.
‘Mama, it’s not natural to beat children younger than you. It’s not natural to one day be in such a dark mood that you pull the wings off butterflies and the next you can’t stop laughing at some silly joke. Lawrenz is not right here,’ Valentina said, tapping her temple. ‘His changes in mood are frightening.’
‘Stop that talk,’ her mother said.
Her mother just wasn’t listening to what was troubling Valentina – that Lawrenz was far from normal. She knew Robertu agreed with her; he’d admitted that Lawrenz scared their mother with his moods, and Robertu just did his best to stay out of his brother’s way when it – whatever it was – struck and his mood plummeted.
‘Why is he like this? Do you know?’ she’d asked him once.
Robertu had shrugged and shook his head. ‘I’m just happy I’m not like him. He’s always looking for praise, and he resents it if I get it instead of him.’
‘What do you mean?’
Robertu grimaced. ‘It’s hard to explain. I think Lawrenz desperately wants our father’s praise for his achievements.’
‘What achievements?’
‘Exactly!’ Robertu said, in a droll tone.
‘No, I’m being serious. What does he do that he wants recognition for?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. That he can run the bar when Papa isn’t around? That he’s good at keeping account of the stock and what we need? That he can lift and stack the heavy bottles neatly as Papa wants?’
She considered this. ‘Then he’s doing a good job, right?’
‘So what? Those are just his chores.’
‘What are yours?’
‘To keep up my studies and do well in school, to help Mama around the house and to learn how to do the books for the business.’
‘And are you learning?’
He nodded. ‘Papa has begun teaching me.’
‘Does he teach Lawrenz anything special?’
Robertu gave a soft grunt of disdain. ‘Lawrenz isn’t good with words or numbers. Even though he’s older than us, I read and write so much better than him, and you make him look like a halfwit with your language skills.’
‘Does your father criticise Lawrenz?’
He sighed. ‘Yes. More than me. In this respect I feel badly for him.’
‘So this is why he’s looking for praise from your father?’
Robertu nodded. ‘But he won’t get it. Papa is very tough on him. I guess it’s because he’s a lot like Papa, and he’s already very strong. Mama says Papa is trying to control Lawrenz before he gets too big to control. I’m not sure I really understand.’
‘Oh, I do. But it’s harsh. Especially if he sees you being treated differently. And constant criticism probably has a way of making you feel so bad about yourself that you hate everyone.’
‘It’s more than that, though, isn’t it?’ Robertu said, surprising her. ‘He dips in and out of such dark thoughts… He doesn’t talk much about it, but now and then he’ll reveal something.’
‘Like what?’
‘Once he told me he’d quite like to work as a prison guard.’
‘Whatever for?’
‘He said because no one sees what goes on behind closed doors.’
