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‘It’s called Etourdissant by Jean Desprez, a talented designer and perfume-maker. I bought it in London many years ago.’
‘A perfume is for a woman,’ she said. ‘Who did you buy it for?’ She gave him a searching look that said, I’ll know if you lie.
‘Well, I was looking for something special to give to my bride.’
‘You bought this for Delia? Then why…?’
He shook his head, looking embarrassed. ‘I didn’t want her to have it.’
Valentina frowned. ‘Why? Tell me the truth.’
He cleared his throat. ‘I dare not, actually.’
She stared at him and suddenly felt furious. ‘Then tell me why you’re giving it to me.’
Something in her wanted to push him; the feeling had been building all evening and now they’d arrived at the cliff’s edge. Before she knew it, she was toppling over the precipice into the truth of her whole life.
‘When you left Malta, Peter, you broke my heart, did you know that? And while I know that there being something real between us was always impossible, it didn’t stop me feeling full of rage to be deserted like that. Why did you leave?’
‘I was sent home to train other pilots. You know that.’
She held his gaze. ‘Did you request it?’
He looked sharply at her. ‘No, but I didn’t fight it either. In fact, if I’m being honest, I welcomed it.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I was made aware of what was happening in your young heart, but it was an impossible dream for you. You were a young girl, and I was married.’ He became agitated. ‘Surely you understand?’
‘I do now. I didn’t then. All I understood back then was that you’d left me… to be married to him.’ She let that sit between them for a few beats. ‘So why are you bringing me this perfume?’
‘Well, as I was saying, I went to London to buy a perfume for my bride-to-be,’ he began again. ‘And I fell in love with this one.’
‘How nice,’ she said, her tone flat. ‘So?’
‘I didn’t know why I liked it so much, but when I found it recently, I realised that it reminded me of how Malta makes me feel. Being here…’
He paused and she took a sad pleasure in watching him squirm. She meant Peter no harm, but he needed to know how it had felt to lose him so abruptly. Suddenly, she didn’t feel proud of herself. After years of yearning, her moment with this man had arrived, and she wanted him to love her, as she had always loved him, always would.
‘How fantastic that you could recreate Malta in your mind through scent,’ she said.
‘The perfume’s notes,’ Peter continued, ‘seem to capture everything I loved about my time in Valletta… the Mediterranean, its flowers, its woods, its people – but mostly the freedom I felt here. I feel lighter here.’ He shook his head. ‘I know that’s a contradiction because we were at war, but after I went home, being at war seemed a lot easier on my heart than doing battle with it.’
‘It was that bad, going home? Do you mean with your wife?’
‘Yes. But I mostly blame myself. I think I told you we never should have got married. Delia wanted to love me, I think, but I knew I didn’t love her. I knew I would make a bad husband for her. I knew I wasn’t happy on the day of our wedding… I was like one of the guests who was attending because it was the right thing to do.’
She smiled at him sadly. ‘Sounds like my wedding.’
He nodded. ‘I didn’t feel like giving her the perfume, because even on our wedding evening we were at odds with each other, arguing and feeling unhappy. At least you were honest with everyone. I’ve been untrue to myself as much as to my wife and her family.’
‘You make me furious, Peter! You were an adult. You could have just said no and walked away, chosen the life you wanted. Instead you let others lead you like a goat. I had no choice. Everyone made decisions for me.’
‘You’re correct, of course. I was a coward.’
She shook her head emphatically. ‘I’ve watched you fly into danger. I watched you lure a German fighter pilot into your path and dare death, stare into its face and say, Go on, then. No, you’re not a coward, Peter. But you are weak.’
He stared at her, dismayed, but then he smiled, surprising her. ‘Don’t be gentle with me, Valentina. Say it how it is.’ He chuckled.