Page 93

He opened his arms to her and she melted against him, laying her cheek onto his chest, feeling his warmth and the beat of his heart. They followed no steps, simply swaying as Sinatra crooned.

‘You told me you weren’t good at dancing,’ she said, her voice soft.

‘You remembered?’ She heard his voice echoing in his chest. ‘Perhaps I didn’t have the right partner.’

Valentina sighed and closed her eyes, hardly daring to believe it was Peter’s body against hers. All those years of hopeless fantasy. And now here he was, made real for her in flesh, blood and indeed desire. She sensed that he wanted her as much as she did him; that kiss hadn’t been one of pity, nor pretend. Was she brave enough to seize the moment, make a dream come true?

As the music soared towards the close of the song, Valentina looked up at him earnestly. ‘Peter,’ she whispered.

He murmured, ‘Yes?’

‘Make love to me.’

He opened his mouth to reply, but she interrupted.

‘And before you ask me if I’m sure, I am. I have wanted you from when I barely even knew what this was, and now I think I need this more than anything I’ve ever needed.’

He said nothing but searched her face in the lowering light of the early evening.

‘I need to feel desired,’ she continued. ‘I need to be touched gently. I want to understand what making love actually is… not just something a man takes.’

He picked her up easily, silently, with a question in his expression. She knew what he was asking; she did not want to lie naked with Peter in the bedroom she shared with Lawrenz – a place of pain and disgust. Not in her son’s room either. She pointed to their small spare room; it was cramped, used mostly for storage, but she always kept the bed fresh, ready for any visitor.

Once inside, he set her down and she was delighted that he allowed her to undress him. He stood obedient and still, seeming to understand her need as she unbuttoned the rest of his shirt to reveal the body that had roamed her dreams. It was lean and still firm, she noted, as she ran her fingers from his Adam’s apple to where his belt fastened. Peter kept his hands at his sides, perhaps sensing that this was a precious moment for her.

He had likely been in this situation a dozen or more times with different women who desired him.

But this was her first time with a man who wanted her for who she was.

Her first time with a man she genuinely desired.

‘No longer just art lovers,’ she murmured.

‘No,’ he said, his voice thicker, deeper. His hands moved then, and her reality became a blur of lust. There was nothing hurried though, as she imagined it might be. He was slow and teasing. He was doing exactly as she’d asked, she realised through the distraction of his touch, making this moment about her pleasure, her need, and that magical horizon she was making her way towards. When had he undressed her? Suddenly she could feel the sea breeze through the shutters against her skin as she arched her back, surprised by how her body seemed to know what to do. It never did with Lawrenz. It was always awkward, compliant, scared.

Now she was pulling him towards her, eager to feel him against her… inside her. And still he held back, conveying his love through his fingers, his mouth and the soft moans of desire they both exchanged.

She was lost; this was all so new, and she could no longer hang on to any sensible or rational thought. Her body began to race, then tremble as she gave herself over to the sensation that Peter had brought her towards. She clung to him, burying her hands in that hair she loved so much, silently sobbing. She didn’t know if it was from love or in thanks for this revelation that she was capable of this, or that such a powerful feeling existed.

He held her for a while, not disturbing her. Valentina moved first, breaking the spell, and then began to chuckle helplessly.

‘What?’ he asked, pulling back to look at her.

‘Lucky Delia,’ she said, realising the awkwardness of bringing his wife into their space the moment she’d spoken. She covered her mouth. ‘I’m sorry, Peter, that was a joke.’

‘You’re forgiven… it was a compliment, after all,’ he said, grinning. ‘I don’t think she was lucky. I think I was a selfish lover with her. But with you, I just want to experience your pleasure.’

‘And what about your pleasure?’ She twisted in his arms until he was beneath her. ‘I want to feel you… you know.’

‘Then have your wicked way, woman,’ he said, more than ready, she realised, suddenly feeling shy. Perhaps he sensed she was unsure, because he lifted her gently, showing her what to do next.

Was it possible to be as good all over again?

Perhaps it was better because this time she felt in control and all the while her hands were free to roam over him. She watched his face, enjoying the moment when he closed his eyes and gave himself over fully to the sensation.

Later they lay in perfect silence, limbs wrapped around each other as if they would have to be prised apart.

‘I didn’t know it could be like that,’ she finally said.