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I can feel the way our energy shifts, the air becoming tighter.

Finally, Sean closes the gap between us, pressing his soft lips against mine. His hands move up and down my back, as if he’s memorizing it just as he has everything else.

I sink into him, becoming vulnerable in his arms, as he gathers me in them and takes me off of the counter, still kissing me.

He ambles his way into my bedroom, carefully placing me down on the edge of the bed. I rest my elbows back as he breaks our kiss. Staring down at me, he gives me a look I’ve never seen before.

Its intensity almost scares me.

His lips linger above mine teasingly. I raise my body up to plant my mouth onto his once more and pull him down onto me. He deepens our kiss, moving urgently.

Out of nowhere, Sean rolls onto his side, breaking us apart. He’s staring at me, brows furrowed.

“Why are you stopping?” I ask, breathing hard.

His eyes search my face, reaching into my thoughts. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks.

I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life. I want Sean Kingsley more than I ever have.

I slowly place my hand on his cheek. His head leans into my palm, and his eyes close, taking in my touch.

I know how much he wants this too.

He reaches his hands into my hair, kissing me again. This time it's sweeter. Gentler. He begins kissing my cheek and makes his way down to my neck as pins and needles spread through my hands.

17

December, Ten Years Earlier

Christmas is right around the corner, and I’m not even close to being ready. I still need to shop for half of the people on my list.

The past few months have been difficult, and sitting here trying to decide what gifts to get people is making me crazy.

This is normally my favorite time of the year but I’m not feeling the Christmas cheer right now. I want to go to Zoo Lights and ice skating, but the only person I want to do it with isn’t even in the same state.

All of my friends are dating and having fun while I’m wishing someone were here, but they can’t be. Not for two years. Every day is getting harder.

I’ve spent hours staring at my bedroom ceiling wondering if I’m making the right decision. It’s ridiculous and naive of me, but I daydream about Sean showing up at my house or even while I’m working. Not on a white horse or anything…I just want him to come back for me. He’d come with tulips in hand and take me away with him.

He sent me a box not too long ago. He put a sweatshirt in, and a bottle of his cologne. Part of me thinks he does these things on purpose, so I can keep him with me a while longer. He knows I can’t keep doing this forever. I’m slipping away, and he can see it. He can feel it.

My phone begins to ring as my mind drifts off, staring out my window. I search for it on my bed, where I left it last, and begin unraveling blankets. It falls down onto the floor, and Sean’s face lights up the screen with my favorite photo of him. A picture that I took on the last day he was here. When we were at the falls.

It’s already rung four times. I quickly reach down to grab it, trying to answer before it goes to voicemail.

“I thought you couldn’t talk today?” I’m almost breathless, rushing the words out of my mouth.

“Hello to you too, Bee,” he says.

I can hear his smile on the other end. I sit on the edge of my bed. Lately, he’s so busy we don’t have much time for our phone calls. Even when he can call me, it’s always in the middle of the night.

I’ve fallen asleep on FaceTime with him once or twice. Even when I sleep, he keeps the call going, and he’ll watch me. Sometimes I’d even pretend to be asleep to see how he would react. Childish, I know, but it was worth it.

“I have a surprise for you!” he says excitedly, static running in the background.

“What is it?” I try to sound serene, but my heart is racing.

“I’m here.”