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Wilmot had claimed he would thumb it back home. He might have just gone north instead. Alternatively, I thought about what decision he might have made and then decided not to torture myself too much. I wondered if I’d ever know the full truth.
“Hazel, he loved you so much. He was scared that if he stuck around, you would pay the price for what he’d done, in one way or another. It was more about that than him paying any price, and I couldn’t convince him to see it any other way.”
“Huh,” I said at the irony. “It appears that I’m destined to ‘pay the price’ no matter what.” I’d once heard something like: the most ironic thing usually happens. I was living proof.
“Well, I hope not.”
We fell silent, all of us working through our thoughts. I couldn’t stir up anything inside myself for Susan. I didn’t feel anger or sorrow toward her. I needed some time to process.
I didn’t want to ask if we could be friends. Neither did Susan. That request seemed unreal, but maybe it could be possible as time went on. Not today.
I remembered something else. “Are you the one who sent me the dress when I was little, the one that looked like something my mother might have worn?”
She smiled genuinely. “Yes, that was me.”
I didn’t tell her I didn’t ever wear it. That seemed mean, and I wasn’t in the mood to be mean. Maybe later. But I wasn’t grateful either. I had so much jumbled up inside me that I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to feel. Next to me Sonny shifted, and I sent him a quick nod.
“I think we need to go,” I said.
“I understand,” Susan said.
“Excellent idea,” David added. “I’ll show you the door.”
We let David lead us toward and then through the front door. He didn’t tell us not to come back, but that was his vibe. He didn’t slam the door, but his eyes told us that he wanted to.
“You okay?” Sonny asked as he took my elbow.
“I’m not sure.
“That makes sense. But you are going to be okay, Hazel. I’m sure of it.”
I nodded again.
For a moment, I thought I smelled the same things I had when the man attacked me, similar to the scents from the javelina encounter. But it passed as we made our way to Sonny’s car.
As he drove us back to my place, I put my mind to the future instead of the past.
I was going to go home and sit out on my patio with Sonny. Tonight maybe he would meet the other man in my life. Jack.
There was a lot to think about, try to understand, or maybe just accept. If Wilmot were here, if his essence or spirit had helped me veer away from the snake that had bitten George, I knew he’d say something like, just keep going forward, little bit. Don’t look back.
I took a deep breath and let it out. Sonny sent me a quick smile.
The desert had tried to swallow me whole. But I’d won this round.
Epilogue
THE HOT WIND blew his long hair as he stood next to the cave’s opening. His face was lined with deep wrinkles that came with age as well living outside.
He’d spent some of the time indoors, renting a room in a house in Tucson. He’d left Black Vulture with enough cash to pay cheap rent for a long time. But he’d missed the desert too much. He missed The Wild, his long-gone wife, and even Susan.
He missed Hazel more than anyone or anything. For a while, he’d kept tabs on her, but it became too painful to watch her from a distance, to see her living by herself, taking care of herself. Calloway would make sure his little girl was okay, but he spent a lot of time hating himself for not setting her up better.
It had all gone so bad so fast and without warning. A child had killed another child, on his watch. People might assume that he’d left so he wouldn’t have to pay whatever price came with such neglect. But that hadn’t been it. He’d run away to protect his little girl. He couldn’t risk ruining her life. No one but Calloway would understand his reasoning, but he hadn’t said anything to his old friend. He hadn’t told anyone his plans. In truth, he hadn’t been so sure of them himself, except that when he left Susan that long-ago day, he knew that he couldn’t bring himself to go backward. And after some time had passed, going back became impossible.
When he wasn’t in Tucson, he was in the mountains, where the seasons flew by and nature taught him more about himself than anything else. He wished he could share those lessons with someone, but they were the kinds of things you had to learn for yourself.
Besides, he wasn’t qualified to teach anyone anything. Hadn’t he at least learned that much?