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I let out a heavy sigh. There’s no point in wishing for life to be different. This is my life, and I’ve worked damn hard to get here.

So why is it that I’d give it all up so easily if it meant being able to embrace who I am?

Why can’t I just have both?

And I guess, more importantly, why aren’t I brave enough to try and have it all?

You aren’t good enough, Cooper.

No one will want you.

You need to fit the mold created for you before you were even born to ensure you’ll be accepted.

It’s bullshit. I know it is. But that doesn’t stop me from listening to that little voice that has been ingrained in my brain for as long as I can remember.

You’re a pussy, Cooper.

A pussy and a disappointment.

Finally, I snatch my cell from the counter and open the message.

My lungs constrict as I stare at a screenshot of his cell from this morning showing that his notification wasn’t what I first thought. Instead, it’s a stupid bullshit notification about some event the app is hosting for singles wanting to have a good time.

“Fuck,” I hiss, closing my eyes as regret floods through me.

Garrett must hate me.

I had one opportunity to trust him, and I fucked it up.

I knew. I fucking knew he wouldn’t be sneaking around behind my back.

Not only has he told me how he feels, but I see it in his eyes whenever he looks at me. I feel it in his touch.

And I fucked all of it up.

I type out a reply but quickly delete it.

I write another, but that also gets cleared before I manage to hit send.

Fuck.

This needs too big of an apology for a text message.

It’s the kind of apology that needs to be face-to-face. But I can hardly turn up at his front door and demand he speak to me. There would be no doubt that Sienna would know then.

But maybe that’s what I should do.

Maybe it’s time to pull on my big-boy pants and find a way to embrace who I really am and the person I…fuck.

The person I’m falling in love with.

In the end, I put my cell back to sleep and slide it across the counter. I need to do something big to make it up to Garrett, but I have no idea what that is.

I tidy up the kitchen, shower, and then unsurprisingly find myself back in my studio. The sun sets as I work, and eventually, I’m forced to stop to avoid working under electric light and fucking up all my hard work. I’ve done enough of that already today.

After washing my hands, I make my way up to bed despite the fact I already know I’m not going to be able to sleep.

I don’t deserve to. Not after the way I walked out on him earlier, refusing to hear his side of the story.