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‘Neither am I,’ he replies with a bemused grin. ‘I’ve had some weird nights, but this takes the cake.’

Suddenly, a man walking his dog stops in front of the house. He’s on the older side, with a stern face and a disapproving glare. He looks like the kind of guy who would kick off if he thought your grass was too high. You can tell because he’s scrutinising everything. And now his attention is on us.

‘What are you two doing?’ he demands – wow, even his dog is sniffing around curiously.

‘We’re just waiting for someone,’ Adam tries to explain, his tone friendly.

The man’s eyes narrow.

‘You can’t just frolic in the street half-naked,’ he tells us. ‘This is a respectable neighbourhood and you don’t live here.’

‘We’re not frolicking,’ I say, attempting to keep my voice calm. ‘We were babysitting. We’ll be gone in a minute.’

The man’s expression hardens somehow.

‘Babysitting kids like that?’ he replies as he approaches us. ‘Have some decency! I’ll bet you’ve been fornicating, haven’t you?’

I stifle a laugh but Adam can’t hold it in. The word ‘fornicating’ pushes him over the edge, but as he cracks up the old man sees red. He takes a swing for Adam, smacking him in the face, and it’s not what you would call a good hit, but somehow that makes it look all the more painful.

‘What the hell?’ Adam calls out. ‘Buddy, you need to back off.’

‘I’m protecting my neighbourhood,’ he insists.

‘Mr Carr, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?’ Tim asks as he joins us. He hands us our clothes.

‘I found fornicators on your doorstep,’ Mr Carr tells him. ‘I’m making a citizen’s arrest.’

‘He just hit me,’ Adam tells Tim, clearly still in a state of disbelief.

‘Mr Carr, these are my friends,’ Tim tells him softly.

Mr Carr looks worried for a second, but then he glares at Tim.

‘Keep your friends in line,’ he snaps, then turns and walks away, dragging his dog with him.

‘Well, he seems lovely,’ I say sarcastically.

‘You were outside without your clothes on,’ Tim reminds us.

‘Because you told us to come out here,’ I reply.

‘Anyway, goodnight. Thanks again,’ Tim says.

‘Erm, yeah, thanks,’ I call after him as he heads inside. I wait for the door to close. ‘For nothing.’

I turn to Adam and examine his face.

‘You know, I think you might actually be getting a bit of a shiner,’ I tell him. ‘Even I could hit better than that, and yet you’re still getting a bruise.’

‘Please don’t try,’ Adam jokes, touching his face before wincing.

I smile. I don’t know how many men wouldn’t have hit Mr Carr back, but I’m impressed with Adam for not retaliating.

‘Let’s get you home,’ I tell him. ‘Get some ice on that thing.’

‘Okay, let’s go,’ he replies. ‘You know, I’m starting to think this wasn’t worth the £10…’

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