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‘Is everything okay?’ she asks.

‘Mmmhmm, yes, definitely,’ I reply.

‘It’s just… you seem a little stressed, and I’m very aware that we’ve thrown you in at the deep end. It’s a lot of pressure,’ she says.

I shake my head.

‘No, honestly, I’m loving the challenge, work is great,’ I insist. ‘If I seem stressed, it’s nothing to worry about, just a few personal challenges, but nothing I can’t work through, and certainly nothing that will affect my work.’

She nods as she processes what I just said.

‘You’re doing a fantastic job, so I don’t believe anything is affecting your work, and I don’t believe it will,’ she replies – and it’s very reassuring to hear. ‘But, woman to woman, you do need to take care of yourself. When you’re busy, planning, running around like a headless chicken to make sure everything is on track, well, it can be easy to forget to make sure your own wheels are still on the track. I don’t know what’s going on in your personal life, and you don’t have to tell me, but you do have to take care of yourself. Okay?’

I nod.

‘Good, because if you’re going to be working here full time, then we need you at your best,’ she says, smiling.

Working here full time – oh, that’s everything I want. That and Adam. And I can’t have either, can I?

Still, this festival means a lot to me, and I’m going to do my job and make sure it happens without a hitch.

As for Kerry’s advice, me looking after myself, well, I’ll have plenty of time for that later, won’t I?

46

This afternoon I did something I never thought I would do again – I asked Mel and Angie for advice. I told them everything and they both listened without interrupting me once.

My two friends were just incredible. They listened, made me cups of tea and then gave me brilliant advice, without judging me, although the bottom line was that ultimately only I could decide if I wanted to follow my heart or give Si and Adam some space to patch things up.

Now I’m alone and staring at my phone, trying to find the courage to dial. I know what I need to do.

I grab it, quickly, and call Adam before I can change my mind. I can feel my heart banging against the walls of my chest. Oh, and now I feel like I’m going to throw up.

‘Hey, gorgeous,’ Adam answers brightly. ‘If you’ve called to try and find out where we’re going tonight then think again, it’s a surprise.’

‘Hello,’ I say weakly. ‘It’s not that…’ My voice trails off.

‘Lia, is everything okay?’ Adam asks, sounding worried.

I know that I have to do this and I know that it isn’t going to be easy… I just don’t expect it to be this hard.

‘Listen, you know I really care about you—’ I start, but Adam interrupts me.

‘Lia, what are you doing?’

‘I’ve thought things through, and this just can’t happen.’

‘What, the date? Forget about it, we’ll do it another night.’

‘Not the date,’ I reply, confident he knows exactly where this is going. ‘There’s no way anything can happen between us. I can’t come between you and Si. You have to work things out with him and you can’t do that with me around.’

‘Lia—’

‘He’s your brother,’ I reply. ‘And he’s had a shit time with women. You have to work things out.’

‘Lia, I won’t let you throw this away. We deserve to give this a go. Why do you think you don’t deserve to be happy?’

‘Adam,’ I snap. ‘The festival is in a couple of weeks, we don’t have any more work to do together. I’ll do my bits from my parents’ house – it’s probably best I go back there – that way we don’t have to see each other and, like I said before, if Kerry offers me a job I won’t take it.’