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‘And then just… drift apart, I guess.’

‘So romantic,’ he quips.

‘Hey, it’s more romantic than my last guy,’ I point out. ‘Bryan has no idea it was Ron who you hit, and I can’t imagine Ron will be advertising it. I think we’ve got away with that one. Plus, on a personal level, I’m just relieved to be rid of him, and rugby doesn’t need the scandal of me exposing him, so I just want to move on.’

He nods.

‘Anyway, I just wanted to apologise for complicating things. I only wanted to repay you for helping me,’ I insist.

‘You did,’ he assures me. ‘They don’t want bad boys any more.’

‘Why not? They’d unlock a whole new market of women,’ I joke.

‘“Players must not bring the sport into disrepute.”’

He puts on an exaggeratedly pompous – but still incredibly northern – voice. I can’t help but laugh.

‘I do love what I do, so thank you, for keeping me out of trouble,’ he says sincerely.

Something changes in his expression. It’s subtle, but genuine – I can tell he really is grateful, and that makes me feel better.

He takes a seat on one of the benches. As he does his towel strains around his waist, loosening a little, beginning to part at the front, I swear it is, unless I’m imagining it, or trying to manifest it. I can feel my eyes betraying me, trying to look downwards, so I practically slam my gaze back up towards the ceiling.

‘I didn’t realise the lights were so interesting in here,’ he jokes, his voice packed with amusement.

‘I’m being polite,’ I insist. ‘I feel like HR will have me sacked if I accidentally look at your… towel.’

‘Nah, you’re my girlfriend, remember,’ he points out.

‘True,’ I reply with a laugh. ‘But we don’t have an audience right now.’

‘So, when we do, I suppose we’ll have to make it convincing?’ he checks.

‘I suppose,’ I reply. ‘But Bryan made out like you were generally quite quiet about your love life, so I suppose it wouldn’t be out of character for you to keep things low-key.’

‘True,’ he replies.

‘Obviously you shouldn’t let this impact your actual dating life,’ I insist.

‘You too,’ he replies. ‘Obviously.’

I curse myself at first, because Eddy is a certified dreamboat, and I’ve essentially put myself in a position where I get to cosplay as his girlfriend, and yet here I am, telling him not to bother. It’s for the best though, because putting myself in some kind of dream-boyfriend simulation is asking for trouble, because it will have to come to an end eventually, and the last thing I need to do is raise my expectations, because I wasn’t exactly pulling high-calibre men before, was I?

‘Maybe we can have a proper chat later?’ I suggest. ‘Agree a few simple details, just in case anyone asks how we met, or anything like that.’

He nods.

‘Fair enough,’ he replies. ‘Make sure we’re on the same page.’

‘Exactly,’ I say. ‘Anyway, I’ll leave you to your…’

My voice trails off, because what was I even going to say?

‘Getting dressed?’ he says.

I look at him. He’s smiling, and his towel is still hanging on, just about covering everything that absolutely needs covering.

‘Do you know where you’re going?’ he checks.