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I don’t turn around to see if Jamie is reacting, that would undermine my efforts, but hopefully he noticed, and it’s gone some way to reassuring him that we are a real couple, honest.

‘So, what’s the plan?’ Jamie asks.

‘I’ve got a series of questions to ask you both,’ I reply. ‘The plan is for you to answer them while competing at different games.’

‘What do we win?’ Jamie asks.

‘You just win,’ I say with a shrug. ‘Pride, I guess.’

‘I’ve already got tons of that,’ Jamie says.

‘Maybe Royle’s prize could be humility instead?’ Eddy suggests.

‘And Hood’s could be a nice retirement home,’ he claps back.

‘Save it for the cameras, boys,’ I half joke.

I clap my hands together.

‘Basketball first, I think,’ I announce.

The basketball machines sit side by side at the back of the arcade, with a digital scoreboard above each hoop – so no way of cheating. I position Jamie at one machine and Eddy at the other, then I set a camera up pointing at each of them.

‘This feels unfair,’ Jamie says, picking up a ball.

‘Why?’ I ask.

He nods towards Eddy. ‘He’s taller than I am – and he’s got longer arms.’

Eddy picks up two basketballs at once.

‘You can’t whinge at me just because you’re short,’ Eddy replies. ‘But good idea, getting your excuses in early.’

‘They’re not excuses, and I’ve never had a problem putting you on your back,’ Jamie replies. ‘I’m just… floating the idea that perhaps your girlfriend is picking the sports you’re good at. That’s all.’

‘Can we crack on?’ I interrupt.

‘Are we rolling?’ Jamie asks.

‘We are now,’ I reply.

His entire manner changes the second he realises the cameras are on. Not dramatically, but enough to show me that he enjoys the social media stuff, and that he thinks about how he looks. His shoulders loosen, his smile sharpens and he turns towards the camera, giving anyone who may be watching, whenever they may be watching, ‘the eye’.

Eddy, meanwhile, barely acknowledges it.

It’s like Jamie performs, grabbing your attention, whereas Eddy makes you really work for his. He’s mysterious enough to make you want it too.

‘First question,’ I say. ‘Who is more competitive?’

They both hit the start buttons and the machines count down.

‘Him,’ Eddy says immediately, throwing his first ball.

It drops cleanly through the hoop.

Jamie scores a second later.

‘Definitely him,’ Jamie replies.