Page 129
“Why does redirection feel like such a letdown?”
An unfamiliar rush of vulnerability creeps over me, but instead of running from it, I sit with it. Unsure if it’s the familiarity of my surroundings, or the newfound comfort in the man beside me, I feel like setting myself free in this moment.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Jett whispers.
With a nod, I look at him through the mirror as his mouth finds the spot just beneath my ear.
“You and I have a lot more in common than you think.” His voice is low, our commonality making the space between us morph together.
“I don’t know how I feel about that.” I smile, and he joins me.
“Why does change feel like a letdown to you?”
“Dance has always been my biggest dream—touring, becoming someone special and notable, but after being on tour, and getting the opportunities I used to pray for, it doesn’t feel like anything. I feel like all I’ve done is let myself down, failed the girl who spend so long working toward this. Like I didn’t try hard enough to really fall in love with my dream. Like my heart wasn’t in it from the beginning.”
“Just because you find an alternative doesn’t mean it’s second best,” he assures me, and with his validation, I feel safe enough to continue.
“It’s funny, when I dreamed of who I was going to be as a dancer, I always knew I’d be able to fit in with whoever, work alongside anyone. I was outgoing, talented, the bright light in every dim room. It feels like somewhere along the way, I lost the girl I thought I’d be, but life forced me to keep pretending to be her.”
Jett studies me. “We all pretend sometimes.”
Finally having the courage to face him, when I do, I see nothing but honesty in his features.
“What do you have to pretend about?”
The lump in his throat bobs, his breath evening before he answers.
“My parents.”
My heart crackles a little at how vulnerable he’s getting.
“I’m sure you know about Duke, Ivan, and myself being adopted.”
I nod. Sienna had mentioned it to me a few times, and it’s not like it isn’t well known, since the Parkers do many philanthropy events for foster care.
“I’ve pretended for a while, my whole life, really, that them giving me up didn’t affect me.”
My heart skips. I can’t believe how trusting he’s being to share something like this with me.
“Jett, I’m—”
He stops me, eyes boring into mine, his thumb running gentle strokes over my knuckles.
“Don’t. I’m not looking for sympathy. My point is, everyone runs from something. The past, the present, themselves, but you don’t have to allow it to let you lose momentum.”
“So why do I feel so stuck?” My chin drifts to my chest, but he lifts it before it can hang.
“You’re not stuck; you’re just repeating habits that make you feel safe. I think you are that girl you’re talking about. You’re whoever you want to be, but you have to be okay with letting the other version go. You have to find people who make you feel safe enough to be fully yourself.”
“How do I know when I’ve found them?”
The tension in the studio shifts as Jett leans just a little closer, his face only a few inches from mine. My breath hitches at his nearness, my insides tightening with anticipation.
“Some people want you to change your life for them, while others will be inspired by you to change theirs. You’ll know when you find them because they’ll fight like hell not to lose you.”
“You didn’t want to stay in the city?”
After leaving the studio, we quietly hop into Jett’s car and follow the mile markers from Churchill to Greenway Grove. Surprisingly, being back home feels like an answer in and of itself to what I really want.
