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“Enough about me, how’s Duke?”
“He’s good. We’re great, better than ever.” She beams, and so do I at seeing her so happy.
“I still can’t believe you’re all in love and living with the man of your dreams. Feels like we were just sharing a dorm room.”
Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days, before things got tough, before they felt too complicated to control.
“Could happen for you too, you know?”
As I sit and marvel at the fact that it could be me, I think of Jett. I’ve been with many men, had the potential to attempt something outside of a physical connection with them, but there’s only one who it’s ever felt possible with.
“Yeah…” I hesitate, feeling out of my element with emotion, and my friend senses it.
“You’re in deeper than you thought, aren’t you?”
I give a meek nod, but the comfort of Sienna feels like a safe place to fall.
“What’s holding you back so much?”
I sit a little taller in my seat, the lump that used to frequent my throat, making a surprise appearance. For a quick beat, I think of my evening with Jett and how the last two years have made me feel secluded and silent, but with one conversation, it was washed away.
I have no reason to feel the shame, no reason to carry it, not when I have someone to hold it with me.
As I look across the table at my friend, I feel courage I haven’t felt before, and I know I have to tell her too.
“There’s something I haven’t told you, Sisi.”
Her eyes tremor just slightly. “Okay…”
“I’ve been keeping a secret that has lived with me every day for the past two years.” I try my best to stall, but it only makes both of us more nervous.
Sienna doesn’t speak, just leaves room for me, and I rub the sweat from my palms onto my pants.
Gulping, I look at her with a frightened memory but strengthened reality.
“Before I started touring, before I met Jett even, I went out one night to celebrate making it to the finals of auditions.” In my head, I see Jett’s encouraging eyes helping me through. “Another girl on tour, Taylor, and I went to a house party in Greenway. It was meant to be just like any other; good drinks, a man or two, but it went south for me.”
Ditching her drink, Sienna nervously fiddles with her fingers across the table.
“What do you mean went south?”
“I was assaulted that night.” I practically heave as the words come out. Alluding to it is one thing, but I think this is the first time I’ve actually said it out loud.
Sienna’s hand moves from the table to her chest. “Fi…I-I don’t know what to say.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean for things to turn so heavy.”
“No, oh my gosh, don’t apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry. I wish you would’ve told me.”
“I know, I should’ve.” My sincere eyes find hers, hoping they give the message of how sorry I am for not coming to her. “I didn’t tell anyone… I just couldn’t.”
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through alone. Fia, I’m so sorry that happened.”
A small smile pulls at my lips in place of a thank you, while I rehash the time that’s passed. A few months ago, I would’ve told anyone that it felt like hell to carry this alone, but while I’ve been moving solo until now, there has always been one light.
Jett did more than ruin every other man for me our night together—he changed me.
A beat of just emotion passes between us, and before I can blink again, Sienna’s out of her side of the booth and into mine. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I happily fall into them. “I love you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone,” she murmurs against my hair.
