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I smile at her kindness, wishing it was easy to digest love like I used to, but I’m still working on that. Still, it doesn’t get old hearing people appreciate how much work you’ve put into your craft.
“Listen, I’ve been thinking… I can be honest with you, right?”
I nod, suddenly nervous. “Of course.”
“I don’t think tour is right for you.”
She’s not firing me, is she?
“I’m not saying this as your boss, but as your friend.”
“Okay,” I acknowledge, liking the removal of pressure, but still feeling a tightness in my chest.
“You’re happier here. Everyone sees it. I don’t want to lose you, I really don’t, but I’d rather keep a friend than burn you out over something you don’t even enjoy.”
I take a deep breath, finally acknowledging what I’ve been battling with for months.
“It’s okay for dreams to change, ya know. I’d change mine if I could.”
Shock decorates my face as I stare at one of the world’s biggest pop stars. All of us dancers are here on a dream. It’s what we built our lives around; there aren’t ever any other options.
It’s either the dream, or the reality. Rarely do the two ever coincide.
“You would?” I mutter in disbelief.
“Hell yeah. I didn’t always want to be a pop star. I just got so big I couldn’t get out of it. I love my life, my fans, all of it, don’t get me wrong, but Broadway was my dream. I wanted to survive on peanut butter and jelly and struggle for auditions. To me, the risk was the reward, but life had other plans, and before I knew it, I was in too deep and didn’t have the heart to change my path.”
“You still could, though. They’d beg to have you on stage.”
“Yeah, but it wouldn’t feel genuine.”
I understand that more than she knows. I feel the same about my current situation. I could always come back here if I made it big in the industry, but I’d come back as something out of reach—something sought after. Everyone would change how they view me, see me as unrelatable, when all I ever want is for someone to see me for me.
As I process Haven’s honesty, I smile.
We’re so much more alike than I ever thought.
“My point is, don’t try to be somebody you’re not. People won’t stop telling you who they think you should be. If anything, the bigger you get, the more they try to pull you from yourself. Being somebody to you means so much more than being somebody to the rest of the world. Only you can decide which one is more important.”
The rest of the week flies by faster than I’d like. By the time Friday comes, we’ve practiced all we can. “Redemption,” Haven’s single, is nearly perfect.
We’re as ready as we’re going to get for tomorrow’s show.
Our final show.
“You excited for tomorrow?” Jett asks, taking me from the frozen stare I’m sending out the passenger window.
We’re on our way to Duke’s for dinner again, and part of me is sad that this is the last time we’ll be able to do this before the tour picks back up. Over the past couple of days, Jett and I have been living a fantasy. While my schedule is tight, he always finds ways to make me feel special, but I hadn’t realized that living with him would feel the most special of all.
I’m going to miss it.
“Kinda, yeah,” I say quietly.
“You okay?” His voice is still soft, but deepened with concern.
“Fine.” I mask the quiver in my voice.
“Talk to me, Fia.”