Page 210
“I do,” I assure, “but I can’t stop thinking she deserves better than me.”
“How can you say that? Love isn’t supposed to be perfect.”
“For her, it is!” I yell. “I can’t change where I came from. I can’t change the makings of my DNA, the qualities that I inherited. I don’t want to hurt her. She means more to me than anything in this life.”
My heart shatters as I say the inevitable out loud. I’ve been away from this bachelor life for almost two years, and I’ve stripped myself of every bad quality I ever thought I had, but now I feel like it’s haunting me.
“So prove it to her.” Sienna raises her voice back.
It’s a trait I’ll have forever, and I’m not willing to take that chance on her.
“Enough.” Ivan stands, his voice deep and authoritative. An uncommon trait for my most softspoken brother.
“Do you remember what you used to tell me when I would come home from basketball practice in high school? When I was so skinny, so weak, so scared because there was always someone better than me?”
At six-five, I made it my fucking mission to make sure my brother had the confidence to match his height. By senior year, he was crowned Mr. Basketball, had colleges lined up to recruit him, and still choose to go to Vanderbilt for finance. The fucker would’ve been a first-round draft pick, but he liked numbers more.
Nodding, I remember what I used to tell him, but I don’t repeat it. It’s not for me.
“Say it,” he grits out through clenched teeth.
“I can’t.”
“Say it, Jett,” he barks, the demand not up for discussion.
“I’m a…” I start, shocked at how emotional four simple words are making me.
Maybe because they’re far from simple. They’re everything. Everything I feel I’m not.
“Say it, goddamnit.” His voice echoes over my tall ceilings, Sienna jumping just slightly beside him.
“I’m a fucking Parker,” I whisper, just loud enough for the two of them to hear me.
“Louder,” he provokes, just like I would when we were kids.
“I’m a fucking Parker!” I yell with my full voice.
Letting myself feel it, really, truly feel it.
“I know the last couple of days have been a lot for you. I can only imagine how I’d feel if I were in your shoes, but Jett, snap the fuck out of it. You’re better than this. You’ve done the work. Before you even met him, you were a new man, and after you met him, you’re more man than he’ll ever be. Not all shared blood holds the same value. You’re born and raised one of us. Don’t let this change you.”
“Why does it feel so suffocating?” I ask, desperate to understand some of how I’m feeling.
“Because the change was made before you even knew why.”
Looking into his eyes, mine fill with tears as I finally accept what he’s saying.
The truth is, I don’t have to be this guy. I’m not this guy.
“Jett, you guys deserve each other.” Sienna joins back into our moment.
“It wasn’t even supposed to be real...” I give her another mindless excuse.
“It never wasn’t,” she whispers, and as odd as it is, I feel Fia through her. Like the words she’s telling me are ones I know she’s thinking too.
“I know they just got to Toronto. Maybe I should just wait so I don—”
Ivan and Sienna give each other a look, then both set their sights return to me.