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The words cut like a blade. “I’m trying to prepare.”
“For losing me?” Ezra asks.
I can’t answer him.
He shakes his head. “Theo, I’m right here.”
“The road could take you.”
“It could.”
Pepper grips Ezra’s wrist before I can react to the answer. “We’re not lying to make this easier.”
“I don’t want easier,” I say. “I want him alive.”
Ezra comes toward me. “So do I.”
“There’s a chance you don’t come back, and you act like you don’t care. I don’t know if you’re choosing this because you want a life afterward or because you’re willing to pay any price to make the fading stop.”
His face crumbles.
Pepper makes a sharp sound. “Theo.”
“Shit. I’m sorry. That came out wrong.” The accusation is already out. I would take it back if I could. “I didn’t mean that.”
Ezra walks close enough to me that his breath moves against my mouth. “I have spent years trying to stay alive for you.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“It’s part of what you meant.”
My purr dies.
Ezra presses two fingers against the bite beneath my collar. The bond answers with pain.
“I’m tired of being afraid that every good moment is borrowing from whatever comes next,” he says. “I’m tired of watching you count everything we might lose while we’re living right now.
His voice breaks. “That doesn’t mean I want to die, Theo. I want to stay. I want to be with Pepper. I want you. I want another fifty years of you making terrible coffee. I want all of it.” He presses harder against the bite. “But I can’t call this living if every choice I make is really just another way to keep the bond from panicking.”
Pepper moves to our side. Her palm covers Ezra’s where it rests against my scar.
“What do you need right now?” she asks him.
Ezra looks at me. “To be wanted while I’m here. And to be believed when I tell you I’m trying to stay.”
The answer tears something open inside me.
“I always want you.” I grip the back of his neck and kiss him.
Ezra meets me with the same force. His mouth opens under mine. I taste rainwater and the mint soap from downstairs. His hands lock around my waist, pulling our naked bodies together. The bond surges. For one frightened second, I nearly break away.
Pepper’s hands settle on both our hips. “Alpha, stay,” she whispers.
Ezra kisses me deeper. I get lost in it. I stop measuring his pulse through the bond and checking the firmness of his shoulders beneath my palms. All I can focus on is the feel of his mouth, his chest, his cock hardening between us.
Pepper presses against our sides. Ezra reaches for her without leaving me. His hand slides around her waist and brings her between us.
She kisses him first. Her fingers disappear into his wet hair. Ezra bends over her, mouth hungry and tender at once. Watching them together has always done something dangerous to me. Tonight, it strips my fear and leaves only want.
