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I faltered because saying what came next meant admitting out loud that I’d hurt him, and I hated the idea of doing just that. Mostly, I worried about how Jude would react. I’d promised him I wouldn’t hurt his brother.

“He said we’d deal with it when we got there—that it was my future, and I had to decide what I wanted.” I swallowed. “And then I told him I didn’t want to screw up my chance at the NFL.”

The silence was deafening. Neither of them jumped in with a joke or some easy reassurance, and somehow that was worse. Jude stared at me while Wyatt’s expression was painfully thoughtful. Dread crawled higher into my chest.

“I screwed up,” I whispered.

“Did he say that?” Wyatt replied.

“No, but I know him,” I said. “I know he’ll never say it, but I know he wanted me to choose him, and I didn’t. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to say! I’ve worked for this, and I want this.”

My throat tightened as I sagged against the bed and stared at the wall.

“But I love Rhodes,” I continued, which was the foundation of my entire problem. “And I don’t want a future where I have to pretend he doesn’t exist, and he doesn’t deserve that. But I also know he won’t wait… years for me to establish a career.”

“You can’t make him do that,” Jude interrupted with more ferocity than I’d expected from him. I couldn’t entirely blame him. This was his brother we were talking about. “You can’t ask him to hide who he is for you.”

“I know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I screwed up.”

“I don’t think I can give you an answer,” he replied. “I don’t think I can be impartial. I love you, but I also love him.”

“That’s fair,” I whispered. And it was. If anything, I appreciated that Jude refused to pretend otherwise. He was caught between two people he cared about, and I didn’t want to make him choose sides any more than I wanted Rhodes making decisions for me.

“If I may,” Wyatt began, and I glanced at him, “I think you have to ask yourself which you can live without if it comes down to it: football or Rhodes?”

“That’s not fair,” I replied.

“I didn’t say it was,” he told me. “But you’re talking about this like there’s some perfect answer where nobody gets hurt, and you get everything exactly the way you want it. Maybe there isn’t.”

I looked away. That was exactly what I was doing. I’d been searching for some combination of choices where I got drafted, had the career I wanted, stayed with Rhodes, never had to hide him, and nobody had a reason to judge us. Even my imagination knew that was bullshit.

“So, which one?” Wyatt asked quietly.

Football had been a part of me for as long as I could remember. My earliest memories involved a ball tucked under my arm and Dad correcting my footwork. I’d built my body around the sport and structured my education around it. Every goal led to this.

“I don’t know who I am without football,” I admitted. “But… I know what my life would feel like without Rhodes.”

I could imagine losing football. It hurt to imagine, but I could eventually see a life beyond it. But when I tried to picture a career that pushed Rhodes to walk away, all I could see was everything I wanted to tell him afterward. Every game I’d want him in the stands for. Every win I’d want to celebrate with him. Every shitty day I’d want to go home to him.

Shit. My eyes burned.

“I can’t lose him,” I said quietly.

“Then what if you stop worrying about your entire career and make the goal something smaller?” Wyatt suggested. “You’re worried about the draft, right?”

“Mostly. That’s when I’m easiest to pass over for someone they might deem less problematic because he’s not gay.”

“Then maybe you focus on getting through the draft,” he said. “Maybe that’s the bridge you two need to focus on crossing, and then you look at what comes next. You don’t have to decide how you’re going to handle the first five years of your career all at once. You just need to figure out what matters, and then talk to Rhodes. You need to make sure he knows where your head is at about the whole thing. Nothing will take back the fact that you hurt him. It’s human. It happens. But you have to make it right, and how you do that is by talking to him.”

I fell quiet as the idea settled in. Maybe Wyatt was right. Maybe I didn’t need to know what the next five, ten, or even fifteen years looked like all at once. Maybe I just needed to focus on the next year and trust that Rhodes and I could face whatever challenges came after it together.

CHAPTER 91

Rhodes

Ihad no reason to still be in my office. Practice had ended hours ago, and the building had long since gone quiet after dinner. Even the cleaning staff had made their way down the hallway. I had no meetings to prepare for and no film I needed to review. There was no logical reason for me to be sitting there staring at a random email without seeing the words on the screen.

But going home meant seeing Theo, who was very likely hanging out with Jude until I got there. And there was a damn good chance Theo would want to talk about this morning. I just wasn’t ready for that.