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“It’s nothing,” I lied.

“It’s clearly something.”

“It’s not a big deal. Really.”

“Theo,” Jude began with a frustrated sound, and I tensed. “I know what you’re trying to do, and I know why you’re trying to do it, but for fuck’s sake, I need a normal conversation. I need you to act normal. Please?”

I swallowed hard. I’d convinced myself that I was protecting him from just one more thing to work through and potentially worry about. I was doing my best to keep the focus on him and his family, but maybe all I’d really been doing was constantly reminding him of everything he needed a break from.

The problem was that if I focused on myself, I had to tell him the truth, and that worried me. What if this was the one thing that ruined our friendship? What if he looked at me differently? I wasn’t sure I could handle that.

But keeping this secret was exhausting. Or maybe I had finally reached the limit of what I could handle on my own.

My breath caught in my lungs. There wouldn’t be a better time. There wouldn’t be an easier way to say it.

“I’m gay,” I whispered as I opened my eyes. The weight of the words settled between us. It was terrifying. How could two little words be so significant? My heart pounded wildly in my chest as my gaze remained fixed on the sky. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

If this was it, I couldn’t bear seeing his reaction.

“Yeah,” Jude replied.

“Yeah?” I repeated, my voice rising a notch. “What do you mean… yeah?”

“I suppose I probably should’ve prepared some kind of response for when you finally decided to tell me,” he said.

“You knew?” I demanded.

“I’m your best friend, Theo. I’d be an idiot not to know.”

“Oh.” I chewed my lower lip as I considered his words. That hadn’t been a thought in my head. Not once. I thought I was good at hiding it. “Does Wyatt know? Or anyone else?”

“I don’t think so. Granted, maybe they do, and no one has said anything out of respect,” Jude told me. That was fair. Maybe I wasn’t as good at hiding it as I thought. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I blew out a long breath to stall. I knew why, but telling him was a different story. And, truth be told, most of the why had everything to do with his brother, but there was another layer that was wildly uncomfortable to bring up.

“With your dad… and you can be a little homophobic sometimes, Jude,” I said. “I’m straight as a board. Sometimes, you say things, and I don’t know… I wanted to believe you’d be fine with it, but I didn’t really know.”

“Oh,” he let out. I hoped to hell I hadn’t hurt his feelings. That wasn’t my intention. “Well, if it helps, my board is a little warped.”

“What?”

“I’m bisexual.”

“What?” I turned to look at him, making out his profile in the dark.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jude retorted. “And I’m trying to work on the whole… internalized homophobia thing—that’s what my mom calls it.”

“Your mom knows?”

“She’s the only one who knows,” he said. “It’s not exactly like I can tell my dad. He’ll lose his shit. I haven’t really thought about when I’ll tell him, or whatever. Maybe I won’t. I don’t know. I’m still figuring some stuff out. There was a guy at a party freshman year, and it just kind of snowballed from there.”

I knew that feeling all too well.

“I think I’ve always been a little confused,” I confessed. “I never liked girls the way you did. It was just easier to focus on football and not think about it. But then I kissed a guy, and things started to make more sense. And then I met this other guy last year…”

“Operation Get Him Back?” Jude guessed, and I smiled slightly at his adjustment. The ease with which he did so meant more than I could express.

“Yeah, but I don’t think…” I faltered, the words sticking in my throat. Just thinking them hurt. The idea of saying them aloud hurt more. Once I said them outloud, I couldn’t pretend there was still hope for us. Loving Rhodes had always been easier to disguise as just wanting more of him—more time in the way of secret hookups. If I kept framing it like that, I could convince myself it was okay. That this was enough. But it wasn’t. The more we did this, the more my heart became invested. And no matter how badly I wanted it, it was one-sided, and I had to accept that. “I think… I think Operation Get Him Back is over.”