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“I really shouldn’t.”
“You wanted to.”
“Still do.”
Something in me pulls tight. I had prepared for Colt solving.
I had not prepared for Colt stopping.
“Eight days ago you asked me and I said no, and I have spent every one of them on the same question.”
He does not move.
“If I say yes inside this clock, I will never be able to prove to myself which one of us I did it for.”
“You will.”
“You were supposed to keep being quiet.”
“That one felt safe.”
I look down at the coffee.
“If marriage were the only answer and you were not already in my life, I would go back to Sweden before I married a stranger.”
He does not smile.
Good.
“I am not here because you own a house or because you can pay for things. I need you to understand that.”
“I do.”
“No. Let me finish.”
His mouth closes.
“I want to stay here. I want Tova to keep her choices, and I want to work again.” I make myself look up. “But I wanted you before I needed one thing from you.”
Something goes across his face too fast for me to name.
“I needed you to hear no.”
“I did.”
“You went home.”
“Yes.”
“You stayed there.”
His mouth shifts. “Wasn’t my favorite week.”
“It mattered.”
I have every figure ready in my head. Rent, insurance, the lawyer, counseling, food, school. I could produce all of it without looking at a page.
Not one of them is the sentence I came here to say.
