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I send it anyway.

The place Gabi chooses has a television over the counter with the sound off, and on it is St. Louis, and on the ice in St. Louis is a man I live with.

I sit where I can see it. Gabi watches me choose the seat and says nothing, which is how I know she noticed.

The cake arrives before I have opened the menu. Two pieces that ought to require structural permits. Six layers, ganache between all of them, whipped cream on the side because somebody looked at the cake and decided it lacked commitment.

“I did not order this.”

“I did. You’d have ordered tea and looked at it.”

She takes one bite and closes her eyes. “That’s obscene.”

“You chose it.”

“I’m allowed to choose obscene things.” She opens her eyes and points the fork at me. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing.”

“Astrid.”

I look down at the cake. A few months ago an empty weekday meant I had earned it. A cancellation, a day off, something temporary before I went back to work. Now it means there is still nowhere I am expected to be.

“There were four clinics.”

“Four?”

“Four who wanted me and could not have me.” I turn the fork over. “They are all kind. It makes no difference at all.”

“And the lawyer?”

“Has not called. There is nothing for her to tell me. The file is on the desk of somebody who has never met me. They will get to it when they get to it, and I cannot hurry them.”

Gabi does not say that it will be fine, which is why I am still talking.

“I have worked every week since I was nineteen years old.”

She lets that sit where I put it.

Over her shoulder he is taking a draw in his own end. He wins it back to the point and the camera does not stay with him, because nobody’s camera stays with the man who wins the draw.

“And Colt gets up every morning and goes to a job that may be ending,” I say, “and I stay in his house without one at all.”

“His house.”

“I am aware of what I said.”

Gabi puts her fork down.

“I heard there was something at the school.”

“There was a coffee urn.”

She waits. I eat cake. She decides, visibly, that she can have that one later.

“Can I ask you something rude?”

“You have never asked permission.”