Page 107
“We often protect the perpetrator rather than the victim, and it breaks my heart. My woman means the world to me, and I have witnessed the world attempt to cast judgment against her, even though none of us are perfect. I know I’ve made a lot of decisions in my life that I wish I could take back, but I can’t. If anyone calls themselves a fan of mine but believes it’s okay to shame a victim of abuse, those aren’t the kind of people I want supporting me or my music.
“As far as people believing that my relationship is a hindrance to my career, I want them to know I don’t care. If I ever had to choose between her and this music shit, I’ll choose her every time. I made a vow to love and protect her, and I will never stand by and allow anyone to harm or mistreat her. I would give all of this up if it meant she would feel safe. She’s worth the sacrifice. Thank you for your time.”
I stood up and removed the mic from my shirt and set it on the table. I didn’t bother to address anyone as I walked out of the building. Brandi called after me, but I paid her no mind. Everyone wanted to have a say or an opinion on the way I ran my life, and I was tired of it. I loved what I did, but I had grown tired of feeling like a puppet in someone else’s game.
* * *
“Welcome to Ink’D Out. Oh, hey, Solo.” Trixie greeted me as soon as I walked in.
“What’s up? How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been doing good. Are you coming back to the shop? You know Jah would hire you back in a heartbeat.”
I chuckled as I walked towards the receptionist desk.
“Hell, if this music shit ends, I might have to come back and beg for my spot back.” I joked.
After my disastrous interview, I caught the first flight back to the city, but instead of going straight home, I decided to stop by Jah’s shop and see if he had some free time.
“Is Jah free?”
“I believe he just finished with his last client. Let me go see.” She got up from her seat and sauntered down the hall. I stood there with my hands in my pockets as I thought about everything that was going on. My phone had been going off like crazy, so I turned it off to give myself some time to clear my head. I made sure to send a message to my people to let them know I was back in the city, but everyone else could wait.
“What’s up, Youngblood. I feel like I hadn’t seen your black ass in ages.” Jah grinned as he walked over to me. We shook hands and hugged before he told me to follow him into his office.
I glanced around the room, but not much had changed since the last time I was there.
“What’s up with you? I wasn’t expecting you to stop by. Is everything okay?” Jah inquired.
I dragged my hand down my face as I thought about how loaded his questions were.
“I don’t even know. There has been so much going on lately; I don’t even know where to start, you know?”
“Okay, well my next client isn’t due for another hour, so lay it on me.”
I took a deep breath before I told him about everything I had been dealing with. When I finished, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
“Damn, when you said it was a lot, you weren’t playing. How have you been navigating everything?”
“I don’t know. It feels like I’m just moving through life and everything is happening around me. I’m managing, but I’m not sure that’s enough. This situation with Honesty has me stressed out more than anything.”
“And why is that?”
“I want to help her, but I don’t even know where to begin. The only thing on my mind is revenge, but I know it won’t help her emotionally. She needs me to be present, but all I can think about is the fact that someone violated her. I want them to pay.” I replied.
“Your feelings are valid. When it comes to Benet, I would be ready to turn the whole city upside down to get justice for her. Have you talked to her about how she feels about all of this?”
Guilt plagued me because we still hadn’t had a conversation about what happened. I wanted to talk to her when it first happened, but I didn’t think she was ready. Since then, I had been on the road and hadn’t gotten a chance to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her. She had been cooped up in the house for the last few days, so I knew she was safe, but I wasn’t sure where her head was at.
“I’m gonna assume your answer is no based on the face you just made. The first thing you need to do is sit her down and allow her to express her feelings. I’m sure she’s embarrassed, and she probably needs reassurance from you.”
“I know. I’ve been calling and sending her messages to let her know I love her and I’m in her corner, but she hasn’t said much. I’ve never been in a situation like this, and I feel like I’ve dropped the ball a little.”
I had been checking in, sending flowers, gifts, food, and anything else I could think of to the house, but the one thing I hadn’t given her was my presence. Honesty insisted I continue with my original schedule, and the only reason I agreed to go was because of the label's threats to fine me. At the time, I thought it was the best decision, but I had never felt so disconnected from Honesty as I have in the last few days.
“How do you plan to fix things?”
“I was thinking about taking her on a vacation or something. I want to get her out of the city and help her take her mind off of everything going on around us.”