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Freedom left me with a question I simply couldn’t answer. I wanted to believe it was just some weirdo with nothing better to do because the alternative was much too scary to think about.

We continued to talk and laugh with each other until River suggested we hit the mall before it was too late. A part of me wanted to stay home since Solomon was out of town. I missed him more than I cared to admit and didn’t want to miss his calls because I was out partying. The only reason I changed my mind was that Solly insisted I get out more, and I knew my cousins wouldn’t let me live it down. Besides, I needed a night out to take my mind off things. I had a feeling things were about to get worse before they got better.

SEVENTEEN

solomon jackson

“This track is about to go crazy. You’re a dope rapper, but your singing voice is too unique for you not to take advantage of it. This album feels different than the other two. It’s rawer and more intimate. I think it’s actually what your listeners are waiting for.” Spinz praised me.

When I first started making music, I made music based on what was popular and trending, but with this album, I tapped into a side of me I hadn’t explored before. This project hadn’t been cleared by the label, and for some reason I felt the need to keep it to myself. There were a few writers and composers on the album, but a large portion of the music was written by me.

For the first time in a long time, I wanted to pour all of my emotions into my work, and it seemed as if it had been a good decision.

“I appreciate you. It might be too early to say, but I think this will be my best one yet.”

“Hell yeah. I already have a few tracks I want to listen to on repeat. You didn’t hold back, and it shows in your art. I’m happy to be a part of this.” Spinz and I continued to play around with a few songs I had written in my notebook until I heard the door open.

When Phoenix came walking into the studio, I took a moment to admire her beauty. One thing I never did was lie or try to fake the funk. Phoenix was a beautiful woman on the outside. Her smooth mahogany skin radiated in the dimly lit studio, but when I glanced up to look at her face, it was covered in makeup. It didn’t make her ugly or anything, but it was too much.

She spent hours getting dolled up, even though her natural looks were far more unique. When we first met, she used to pick her looks apart. It never mattered how many compliments I paid her; she was never satisfied. One of my favorite features about her used to be her nose and her petite frame, but she allowed the rude comments within the blogs and tea pages to make her feel insecure about her body.

Within two years, she had gotten four surgeries, including rhinoplasty and a skinny bbl. For some reason, she thought those things would make her more attractive, but all it did was make her look like every other woman in the industry. The blogs continued to drag her and post mean and hateful comments to shame her body, which was why I never understood why people gave strangers so much power over them.

I stopped fucking with Phoenix shortly after she got her nose done. It had nothing to do with her beauty or lack thereof and more to do with the person she turned into afterward. She obsessed over the media and other people's opinions. Nothing was ever good enough, and she couldn’t stay off the internet long enough to enjoy life.

Regardless of how she carried herself in her personal life, I would never deny she was a talented artist. Hence, the reason she was in the studio. I had a song that needed a voice like hers, and I reached out to see if she would be willing to sing on the track. Her team jumped on the opportunity and even inquired about whether I would consider doing a track for her album as well. It seemed like a reasonable exchange, so I agreed to it.

“What’s up, Diva? I’m gonna assume traffic was crazy and that’s why you’re three hours late for our session together,” I said in a joking tone. Phoenix knew how I felt about being on time for my sessions, so I knew she was only late to get a rise out of me. I refused to give her the satisfaction as I stood to shake her hand.

She stared at my outstretched hand as if I had insulted her.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Why are you holding your hand out like you’re attending a business meeting or something. When did you become so formal?” She fussed as she walked past me and greeted Mix. I stood there looking stupid for a moment, but I decided to brush it off because I needed her.

“Were you able to listen to the song? I know how picky you are about lyrics, but I tried to write something you might like to at least give you a feel for the direction I wanted the track to go in.”

“You must have forgotten I’ve been doing this longer than you. I know you are on your songwriting kick right now, but I’ve got this.” Phoenix sassed as she switched her hips on her way into the booth.

I threw my hands up in mock surrender and allowed her to do her thing. Spinz and another producer by the name of Arlo came and vibed while she recorded her part. I had to give credit where it was due because Phoenix had the type of vocals many artists wished they had, and she made it seem effortless.

Her lyrics matched the vibes perfectly, and she blew me away with her ad-libs. She recorded her verse and the chorus in one take, and there wasn’t anything for me to critique.

“Alright, Phee. I see you came in here with something to prove. This shit is cold foreal.” I gave her props as soon as she stepped out of the booth. A cocky grin graced her face, but I couldn’t hate because she earned it.

“You better act like you know. I can’t believe you even tried to play with me like I needed a hand to hold. I’m that girl, and it’s obvious you needed the reminder.”

I shook my head and let her pop her shit. At the end of the day, she did me a solid, and I appreciated her. This project meant a lot to me, and I held gratitude in my heart for anyone who took time out of their schedules to help make this project everything I needed it to be.

Spinz cleaned up the track, and we played it back a few times. I had a feeling it would be one of my favorite tracks on the album, and it made me even more excited.

While we vibed in the studio, I checked Honesty’s story on Instagram to see what she was up to. She mentioned her plans to hang with her cousins, and even though I hated to be away from her, I was glad she decided to go out. Since her dress went viral, she had been getting an influx of clients who wanted custom gowns. I didn’t know the logistics of things, but her business had been busier than ever.

Honesty loved what she did, so she would immerse herself in her work for hours. I loved and admired her dedication to her craft and the light in her eyes when she would call me to show me her latest creation.

When we first met, we would spend hours talking about what we wanted to do and who we would become. Honesty would change her dreams and goals every other week, but the fire and determination inside of her never dulled. I, on the other hand, kept my goals simple and plain. I never had big dreams to be something great. All I wanted to do was survive and make it to twenty-one.

There were times when I would sit back and reflect on how far life had brought me, and it almost seemed like a dream. I was grateful to be able to wake up and do what I loved while also being able to provide for myself. Honesty teased me for my modest lifestyle because I made enough money to afford a mansion with multiple cars, but I chose to live in a condo with my 2020 Altima.