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“Little girl, I don’t know what has gotten into you, but it’s clear the time we’ve spent apart made you forget who I am. I don’t tolerate disrespect on any level, so either you open your mouth and speak your peace, or you can get the hell out of my face,” she fussed. My momma wasn’t someone who cussed a lot, so I knew I had hit a nerve. Unfortunately, I was running off of pure emotions, which caused me to ignore my gut that was telling me to let it go.

“I just find it funny that I had to hear about your big move from my brother. We live in the same house, and you have my number the same way you have everyone else’s. It’s crazy how you taught us to be strong and never allow a man to control us, but you’ve never led by example.” I spat.

“Honesty, you’re treading on thin waters. Are you sure this is the path you want to take?”

“Yeah, we might as well put it all out there. My father bought you this house, and he paid all of the bills in it until he passed away. I thought it was disrespectful for you to move another man into the home he helped build, but you’ve reached a new low. You’re selling the house my father worked hard for, and you didn’t even have the decency to ask how his children felt about it.

“What if we wanted the house for our own families or wanted to keep it in the family? It’s crazy how you just up and decided that our opinions didn’t matter and you could just do what you wanted with my father’s property.” I vented.

“I don’t have to get your permission for a damn thing. I’ve been in this house more than half of my life. If anyone should be able to make decisions about what happens here, it’s me! You've been delusional behind your father since you were a little girl, and I let you because there was no point in trying to make you see otherwise.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Oh, please, Honesty. You have a college education, so you’re smarter than you’re portraying right now. Your father may have loved you and treated you well, but he had a lot of demons. I tried my best to cover for him and shield you all from a lot of things because I never wanted to change your views of him, but I’m not about to stand here and let you make me out to be the villain as if your father was some type of saint.”

“He wasn’t as evil as you try to make it seem. I understand my brothers being frustrated because they felt like he wasn’t around enough, but he sacrificed a lot for this family. No, he wasn’t a perfect man, and he made a lot of mistakes, but to call him the devil is a reach. He loved you the best way he could, and you could have easily left if it was that bad.” I argued.

“You are so blind it’s sad, but I can’t blame anyone except myself. I worked hard to protect his image, and it’s obvious I did a better job than I thought. In your eyes, this house is filled with memories you want to hold onto, but I don’t share your experience.”

“Every time I walk down the hall, I’m reminded of how many times I used to run from your father when he would come from his drunken binge. These walls are covered with photos of my family, but they also have scraps and dents from when your father would push me into them or throw things at them to get my attention.”

She walked over towards the kitchen entrance and pointed into the living room where the kids had migrated to watch TV. My heart beat wildly as I watched her every move.

“The carpet my grandbabies love to play on holds blood stains from when your father would beat my ass when he thought I looked a man too long or when he slept with another woman and didn’t want to leave him. I used to clean my own wounds and then scrub the carpet until my hands cramped because I didn’t want y’all to see the blood.

“He would spend those nights crying and begging me not to leave him, and then he would wake up in the mornings and demand I get up early to put makeup on my face to cover the bruises. When Moe and I first got married, he offered to buy me a new house, and I wanted to take him up on that offer so badly. The only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want to hurt you guys. Moe told me the offer would be open whenever I decided to change my mind, and I was so grateful to him. His compromise was to buy me all-new furniture, repaint the walls, and repair the holes.

“You don’t know sacrifice until you’re forced to sleep in the same room your husband used to rape you in or stand in front of the bathroom mirror you once used to cover your abuse. Your father might have sacrificed his money for this house, but I promise you the price I paid was far greater. As much as I love you and your siblings, I don’t care how any of you feel about my decision to sell this house.

“I’ve spent my entire life trying to make other people happy. I hid my pain, gave up my dreams, and wiped my tears in private just so you and your siblings could grow up in a two-parent household. I lost myself and became someone I no longer recognized because I allowed a man to become my everything while he gave me nothing but disrespect and depression.

“You want to sit here and judge me, but you couldn’t walk a mile in my shoes, Honesty. You’re too selfish to sacrifice the way I have, because you only care about yourself. Why do you think you’re the only person outside of Serenity who rides so hard for your father? Huh? You’re so self-absorbed; I bet you never paid attention to the way your brothers cater to me. It’s not just because they love me; it’s because they had to pull your father off of me when they were young.

“They disliked him for the way he neglected them, but they despised him for the way he treated me. They don’t like to bring it up out of respect for me, but they were there through it all. You may have gotten the spoiled princess treatment from your father, but I don’t share your experience.”

“I can understand you being upset with me, because I didn’t talk to you about it first, but I won’t apologize for my decision. I have done everything I can to love and support all my children and my grandchildren. It’s time for me to finally put myself first. Moe loves me and this family more than you even realize. He turned down many six-figure job opportunities because he didn’t want to be away from me nor did he want to take me away from you all. The only reason I found out about this recent job offer was because one of his friends came to me and vented about how foolish he thought it was for Moe to keep turning down all of these incredible opportunities.

“My husband was willing to give up everything he worked so hard for in order to keep me happy. I’ve never been loved like this before. When I suggested he take the offer, he still tried his hardest to find a schedule that would require him to travel almost daily because he didn’t want to disrupt my life. There was no way I was going to allow him to continue making sacrifices for me and not meet him halfway. He deserves to follow his dreams, and I deserve an opportunity to be happy and get the fresh start I’ve always needed. You may see it as me running behind a man, and you’re damn right. I’ll run to the ends of the earth for the man who healed my heart and restored my faith in love and men.”

Without another word, she headed back over to the stove and began making plates for the kids. I went into my room, grabbed a few things, and left. Solomon messaged me and asked what time I would be over, so I decided to talk to him about it. My relationship with my mother was important, and I didn’t like the idea of us being on the outs.

NINETEEN

solomon jackson

“Get your weight up, young blood. You wanted to hang with the big dawgs, you gotta be able to hold your own.” Dreaux teased me.

I had known Dreaux for many years, since we were both connected to the Grahams. He was in a relationship with Honesty’s newly found sister, Peace, and was also Justice’s best friend. I reached out to him, and I asked if he could help me get in shape for the upcoming tour I was going on.

I needed to make sure I was in shape and had plenty of endurance since it would be the longest tour I’ve ever been a part of.

“Aye, go easy on me. I might look skinny, but I’m strong as fuck.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve gone to a couple of concerts, and I’ve seen how intense they can be. Those artists have to sing, dance, and entertain on the stage without getting tired. Your body needs to be conditioned to endure long periods on stage, while also maintaining the same energy from the beginning to the end. Coming to the gym once in a blue moon won’t be enough.” He schooled me.

“I know. I’ve been meaning to come more often, but I’ll admit I haven’t been as dedicated as I need to be. I’m gonna step my game up though.” I assured him.

“You damn sure better. My sister has stars in her eyes, and I would hate for her to see you out of breath on the stage. She might leave you for one of the background dancers,” Messiah joked.