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I knew they came from a life that was different from mine, that they weren’t good guys. But they were to me, and that’s all I cared about.

I fell hard and fast. They were my first real crushes, first time falling in love. They became my whole world. I gave them my heart, my soul, and my innocence.

I was a fool to think for even a moment it would be anything but a summer of fun.

They proved me right because when the end of summer came, I went to meet them like I did every day. But they weren’t there. Still, I kept going back for weeks.

Overnight they went from being my whole world to being gone. No goodbye. Nothing.

“I did stay,” I answer Shepherd, bringing myself back to the present. “Because at the time, I had nothing to lose. And after that first day, you three became my whole world. My everything.” Anger starts to build inside me as I get to my feet. “For two months straight we spent every day together. I gave you my virginity,” I hiss, remembering the night we laid under the stars and the three boys who held my heart showed me what it was like to be worshipped.

“And then you left. No note. No meeting me to say goodbye. Nothing.”

“We’re sor–” Maverick starts but I shut him down, raising a hand.

“Sorry? You should be sorry. You were gone for ten years, and now you’re back and what? I’m supposed to just be grateful you want me. Be happy that my fucked up dreams are coming true and the boys that I fell in love with are finally back for me.” I know I slipped up and let my feelings show, but I’m too worked up, my body shaking as I continue to shout. “You don’t get to decided how my fucking life goes. You left. You didn’t want me back then, so why the hell should you get me now?”

“It’s not that simple.” Maverick gets to his feet, his height allowing him to tower over me, making me tilt back my head. “We had to go.”

“Why?” I snap.

“Because,” Saint says. “That summer was our last summer to just be teenagers before we were thrown into the life of the bratva. We had no choice. I meant it when I said, our lives weren't our own anymore. We were born and raised to be part of this life, to take it over one day. That meant training. What we were taught growing up wasn’t enough. We had to go to Russia to live with our grandfather.”

“You were the last bit of light before a life of darkness,” Shepherd adds.

That stops me, brows furrowing. “What?”

Maverick sighs heavily, like the weight of the world sits on his shoulders. He grips my chin gently, turning my face toward him, forcing me to look up at him.

When he speaks, his voice is low, this gruff sound that stirs something inside my soul. And other body parts.

“We never expected to meet you, Cove. But we knew the moment we did that our lives had changed forever. And not in the way they were destined to since the moment we were born. You quickly became our obsession. The only thing we cared about. Something we weren’t too good about keeping to ourselves. We planned on asking to stay, to see if our father could train us himself. It was a crazy ask because we wanted to change everything for a girl we just met.” His eyes flick between mine, holding me still, my heart racing so fast I feel like I might pass out.

“But we didn’t care.” Saint stands, moving behind me, trapping me between him and Maverick. “All we cared about was the sad girl who smiled when she was around us. The girl who lost everything and still chose us every day. The girl who didn’t see three fucked up boys, but saw us for who we were. You didn’t run, you didn’t hide. You embraced us for who we were, despite knowing deep down we were a lot more dangerous than you let yourself believe. You gave us your trust, and your body. We wanted to give you our hearts and souls.”

My eyes flutter shut, my brain struggling to make my lungs take in the air it needs.

“So why did you leave?” The question comes out as a whisper.

I know I shouldn’t be this upset about it, that even at the time it was a big ask. They didn’t know me for longer than a couple of months. I had no right to want them for myself. To demand they be mine. For them to change their whole life to be with me, when back then, I didn’t even know what that was.

Still, it hurt. Them leaving was a pain that came very close to what I felt at losing my parents.

After that, my relationships were dull, lifeless, just a ghost of what I really wanted.

Then I thought I found someone who really saw me, the real me. I was so desperate to be loved after the only three people who made me feel anything left me that I was too blind to the signs, to the waving red flags, until it was too late.

I shouldn’t, but I blamed them for that too because if they stayed, would something have happened between us? And if it did, would we still be together to this day, meaning I’d never have the chance to meet Ronny, and I wouldn’t have lost a piece of my soul.

“We had to.” My eyes flutter open to look up at Shepherd. The three of them surrounding me, stealing the air clean out of my lungs.

My head’s a mess, my body reacting in ways it has no right to.

“We didn’t want to. But there was no way our father was having it. We were predestined to take over for our father one day. And in his eyes, that meant we needed to be trained by the best. He wasn’t going to let his sons get distracted by a girl. He just didn’t understand that you weren’t just any girl.”

I lick my lips, my breath coming in short, heavy pants now.

“Our world is a dark and dangerous place. We knew this. We were prepared for it. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less,” Maverick says. “We wanted to reach out, to let you know that one day, we’d be back for you. But we couldn’t because for nearly eight years, we weren’t allowed phones or any type of access to the outside world. We were in a training camp that was meant to help us become the best soldiers and killing machines. And it worked. But what my father didn’t anticipate was the mark you left on our souls.”