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Caleb let out a small sigh that Aaron didn’t know what to make of. When Caleb stepped back, Aaron thought he’d finally made his point. Caleb found his red striped underwear on the floor and put them on, but then instead of getting his jeans, he grabbed Aaron’s sweats and handed them to him.

When Aaron didn’t take them, Caleb extended them a second time. “Put these on and tell me what’s wrong.”

Reluctantly, Aaron slipped them on and allowed Caleb to lead him back to the bed, where he pulled him down onto the mattress. Caleb settled against the headboard, sitting up, while Aaron sat with his legs folded under him, looking at Caleb. Aaron didn’t know what to do. Part of him wanted Caleb desperately. Another part needed Caleb to leave so he could spare himself the pain of having to be truthful about what happened in Los Angeles.

“Please, Aaron.” Caleb’s concerned gaze never left Aaron, but Aaron couldn’t look him in the eye.

Instead, he focused on the stream of light coming through the curtains from the window adjacent to the bed. “There’s more to why I came home than just needing a job. That part is true. There were budget cuts and I was let go, but I could’ve probably found something else out there. It was….” Aaron steeled himself. “I was seeing a guy, for a few years and….”

Aaron despised the shake that rattled through him as he thought about Tyson. He’d worked hard to block out the memories. Just when he thought he was moving on, Caleb had shown up, and sometimes Aaron clearly heard Tyson’s voice in his head telling him that he had nothing Caleb would want.

“It’s okay.” Caleb touched Aaron’s knee, which was the only part of him in reach. “Did he do something to you? Hurt you?”

The concern in Caleb’s voice almost did Aaron in. He wasn’t sure he deserved the sentiment or the patience since he’d been the one to be so stupid.

“Physically, only once and that was the end of it. I dealt with a lot, but no one gets to hit me.”

Caleb hissed in what sounded like disgust, and Aaron flinched. He wasn’t surprised that Caleb wouldn’t want to be with someone who’d allow himself to be hit. From the corner of his eye, he saw Caleb lean forward and reach for him, and he couldn’t stop himself from jerking back. Caleb’s hand stopped in midair.

“You have to know I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Aaron nodded and relaxed, which allowed Caleb to touch him. He gently pulled Aaron toward him and gracefully maneuvered them so they lay next to each other with Aaron nestled against Caleb’s chest. Aaron took a deep breath and let his body mold itself to Caleb’s. Even in the moment of vulnerability, he relished how safe he actually felt next to him.

“I’m sorry. I thought I was past all this.”

Caleb hugged him tight. “I can’t say I know what you went through, but you don’t have to apologize for still having feelings about it. If anything, I’m sorry for dredging it up.”

They lay quietly for a few minutes, Caleb holding him tightly. Aaron appreciated his patience. Not that he needed it, but it was more proof that Caleb was nothing at all like Tyson.

“I met—” Aaron paused to decide if he should use a name. Tyson still played baseball in Anaheim, and Aaron didn’t want to stir up any trouble. “I met this guy in a gay bar in West Hollywood. It wasn’t my usual haunt, but a friend was celebrating his birthday and there I was. I could tell by looking at the guy that he was an athlete and very much my type. He was handsome, charming. He seemed nice. We got to talking and hit it off, so we traded numbers. I should’ve known from the moment that my calls went to voicemail more often than not that something was up.”

Relief and terror flooded through Aaron as he told the story for the first time.

“He was a professional athlete, a baseball player, and he wasn’t out of the closet. He explained that it was important that we be as discreet as possible until he could find the right time to publicly come out, which he assured me he was going to do… eventually. After we had been going out for three months, he finally admitted that he had a fiancée. I blew up at him for not being honest with me, that I was just something on the side. He fed me a story about breaking up with her and being with me. That I was the one he really loved. He said he needed to be his true self and he just needed time. I was a fucking idiot for believing him.”

“Oh man. You really loved him.”

Aaron couldn’t decide if that was a statement or a question, but he kept going. “I did then. I wanted to be there for him. I knew all along that he wasn’t out to his team, and I understood that. In the beginning we had fun together. We’d go to these little out-of-the-way places that he knew, great little restaurants, places I suppose where they wouldn’t ask questions about the baseball player and his ‘friend.’ There were even a few times I went with him when he played away games. He’d put me up at amazing hotels and sneak over to be with me at night. He’d always have to get back to the team hotel by sunrise, though.

“But that didn’t last. He got more possessive and demanding—so paranoid of being found out that the only place we’d meet was my apartment. It felt like I just had a fuck buddy instead of a boyfriend. I suspected that he had other guys too. He showed me pictures on his phone once and he swiped into some of him with another guy in a hot tub. He tried to play it off that it was a teammate at some party. But he seemed very weird about it. As much as ballplayers travel, he could’ve had guys all over the place. I probably should’ve confronted him more about that, but I never did. I focused on what he always said—that he wanted me once he broke off his engagement.”

He shifted slightly so he could look at Caleb, which suddenly seemed very important. “He got more defensive and hurtful as I tried to figure out what our future was. Over a few months, I let him convince me that I should lay off the questions and be happy that someone as famous as him showed an interest in someone like me in the first place. And, of course, he knew how to apologize when his temper got the better of him. On our anniversary I asked him when he was going to leave the girl, and he slapped me hard across the face. He called me an ungrateful bitch.”

“How did you not call the police on his sorry ass?” Caleb sounded like he was ready to fight the one who’d hurt Aaron.

“I guess you could say that the slap flipped a switch in me, made me realize the situation I was in was never going to get better. He was never going to break up with her. I’d never hit anyone in my life, but I gave him one hell of a shiner and told him that if he ever came to see me or called me again, I’d make sure his fiancée and the team found out about him. A couple of weeks after that, I learned I was out of a job. After months of him telling me that no one else would have me and then losing my teaching job, it was a hell of a blow. Pam offering me a position and coming back home to Foster Grove was the chance to start over.”

Caleb was silent, and Aaron worried he’d said too much. On the other hand, Caleb hadn’t moved and his expression hadn’t really changed. Aaron had no idea what he was thinking.

“Is he the reason you’re so resistant to starting something with me?”

Aaron couldn’t decide where to look to keep his emotions in check. “My heart knows you could never could be like him, but….” He took a deep breath to steady himself. “I’m skittish. I suppose I’ve made it worse on myself by not telling anyone, but it’s humiliating. I should’ve known when to walk away.”

Gently, Caleb guided Aaron’s head to rest against his shoulder and kissed the top. “I’m glad you told me. It helps me understand why you tense up or seem sad. You have to know, I want you. I have since I was sixteen, and these past few days have shown me that’s still true. You’re worth doing whatever it takes to make you comfortable with us. You just have to tell me.”

“You know there’s a lot more stuff we need to work through, right?”

“I do.”