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Aaron moved away from Caleb, out of reach. “It’s not fair that you can kiss like that. How am I supposed to—?” Aaron had no idea what to say next.

“Supposed to what? Tell me why you think we can’t work? I don’t want to hear it.”

“I don’t know how to do this,” Aaron said as he tried to figure out what to do with himself. If he sat, Caleb could easily trap him and plant another kiss on him. But he couldn’t stay where he was because it was too close. He decided to stand on the other side of the couch to put distance between them.

“Why’s it so important to figure that out now?” Caleb pushed on, moving around the furniture, toward Aaron. “Let’s decide to be a couple and go from there. Isn’t what’s most important that we are in love?”

There was love again. Aaron’s heart and soul wanted to say it back, but practicality won out. “You know as well as I do that it takes work to make a relationship successful. It’s more than a few words. It’s constant attention.”

“Athletes—hockey players—make this work all the time. Not everyone’s like that asshole you were with in LA.” Frustration crept into Caleb’s voice as he once again reached for Aaron’s hand. Aaron moved his hand away but didn’t step back. “The goalie in Las Vegas married the woman he’d dated since he was fifteen. They’ve got kids and she owns a business. They make it work. Nashville’s captain married a country music star. I’ve talked to him a time or two about the challenges of their schedule, but they’ve been married nearly a decade. Many of my teammates are in relationships. They’re not all like Dimitri. Come to Sunday’s game and you can meet them and see for yourself.”

Caleb could teach a course in persuasion. He said the right things in the right way, which picked at Aaron’s facade of resistance.

“Please, Aaron. I can’t make things right if you don’t tell me what you’re thinking.” Caleb didn’t try to touch Aaron.

“Where do I start? I was raised that relationships should be on equal ground, and there’s so much between us that wouldn’t be. The money. The fame. The expectations. That thing with the picture was just a sample, I’m sure. It’s all my kids wanted to talk about last week. It’s not a fair distraction for them to see their teacher like that.”

“But that was a surprise to us both. If we’re a couple, and everyone knows that, seeing pictures won’t be a distraction.” Caleb smiled, as if he enjoyed the thoughts he had. “If you’re introduced as my boyfriend, it’ll become no big deal.”

“Can you imagine me out with you at an event or something?” He looked at Caleb, who continued with the easy smile while Aaron thought of terrifying scenarios. “I wouldn’t know what to talk about.”

“You’d do fine. Trust me, it’s really no different than the carnival. Conversations just get randomly started. And you’re a smart man. You teach. That’s an important career in itself. Plus, you’d be with me. And you’d be around the team. Dimitri already likes you, and I know the others will too. The wives, girlfriends, and boyfriends band together to take care of one another.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow as their standoff continued. They were close enough to do any number of things to each other—things Aaron wanted but couldn’t allow himself to have.

“Yes, there are other boyfriends,” Caleb said. “One of our defensemen has a long-term boyfriend, and D sometimes brings guys too.”

Aaron had no words. He hadn’t expected Caleb to put up such a strong argument. Yet he felt like he was back in high school and looking at the athletes from the outside, as one of the brainy guys no one really wanted to be around. It was a stupid feeling that he couldn’t shake, because Tyson had played on that late in their relationship as a way to control him.

Caleb didn’t let up. “Do you realize how much you mean to me? How much you’ve shown me over the past couple of weeks about what I want in my life? I didn’t realize what I was missing. We’ve always had this connection—even back in high school it was easy to be around you, though you were, like, a million times smarter than I was. You never made me feel less than you.”

“You really only had issues in math, you know,” Aaron said quietly.

“Still. You could’ve given me shit or been a condescending dick during our tutoring sessions. I know how the smart students felt about us jocks.”

Aaron wanted so badly to kiss Caleb, but that wouldn’t help finish this. He was being so earnest.

“We could end up hurting each other little by little, until there’s nothing left. Maybe we need one of those pacts.” Aaron already dreaded the words. “You know, if we’re not married by the time you retire, then we get together. Until then it’s not really practical.”

Caleb’s head dropped in disappointment. Aaron wasn’t happy he’d zapped him like that, but there wasn’t a choice.

“I fucking hate practical.” Caleb looked back to Aaron, who saw the hurt in his eyes. “We could be great right now and forever. Tell me, what do I need to do to prove that to you?”

Aaron shook his head as he fought to control his emotions. The sadness in Caleb’s eyes and his pained voice punched him in the gut repeatedly. “I’ll have to trust that time will bring us back together if it’s supposed to be.”

“What if that’s not what I want?”

Aaron shook. He was losing his internal battle. “It’s not what I want either, but I think it has to be, for both of our sakes.” He brought Caleb’s hand to his mouth and planted a kiss on the knuckles. “I think I should go before we do something we’ll regret.”

“Aaron, no….” Caleb’s voice cracked and it stabbed at Aaron.

“Please, Caleb.”

Caleb released Aaron’s hand. “I’m going to keep looking for something that will persuade you that this—us—can work.”

Aaron headed for the door and picked up his bag, which he’d never unpacked.

“I meant what I said—I love you, Aaron.”