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In a minute, I was going to log on to record the first episode of the new season of the podcast. I hadn’t seen or spoken to my brother in nearly a month. My texts, calls, emails, had largely gone unanswered unless it had to do with the podcast. I wasn’t surprised, but that didn’t make it any easier.

I’d kept tabs on my brother through Mom and his socials. He’d been posting more pictures, hinting at his relationship with Alan without outright revealing it. From all outward appearances, Levi seemed to be doing well, which was a relief. But I knew how curated online content could be.

My own content made it seem as if I was living the dream. And in many ways, I was. Carson and I had decided to move in to a bigger unit in the same building. While I’d considered renting a place of my own, I’d figured I’d just end up at his place most of the time anyway. The guest room/office/recording studio was still a bit of a mess, but you wouldn’t know that from my social media.

I’d also started filming for the documentary on women’s sports. And I’d been training for my upcoming season with the Bobcats, even though it wouldn’t start for another few months.

But it hadn’t been all work and no play. I’d been spending more time with my friends—weekend trips to the beach, cookouts. I’d been going for walks with Bryn, Morgan, and the dogs. Meeting up with Emerson and her best friend, Kendall, for yoga. Brunch with Cece and Georgia and Kylie.

Everyone had been supportive of my relationship with Carson, at least my friends who hadn’t already known or hadn’t figured out that we were together. Bryn was happy for me after she’d gotten past her initial surprise. She thought we made sense together. Kylie wanted to know how this had happened—but also how it would affect my career. How public I wanted to be with our relationship, whether we were willing to entertain brand deals as a couple.

Carson’s season started next week, and we were trying to squeeze in every spare moment together while we could. But despite how happy I was, I couldn’t help but think of my brother and the fact that my happiness was causing him pain.

I had no idea what to expect from this call. Would Levi pretend as if everything was fine? Could I act normal when my heart was breaking?

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. You can do this. You’ve got this.

I straightened and logged on, forcing myself to look natural, relaxed. Cam was already online, and we chatted while waiting for Levi to log on. It was taking so long I was beginning to worry he wouldn’t show, but then his face appeared on the screen.

“Lee.” I smiled, trying not to cry. It was such a relief to see him.

“Hey, guys.” He wouldn’t even look at me, and my stomach dropped. “Should we get started?”

I was beginning to wonder if he’d waited to log on until the last minute in the hopes that Cam would be done with his setup and we could go straight into recording. I rubbed my chest where the pain was lodged.

“So,” Cam said. “We’re kicking off the new season, talking about Logan’s move and other big news in the leagues.”

“Yep,” Levi said in a clipped tone.

“Recording in five,” Cam said. Wow. Okay. We were doing this. Just jumping right into it. “Four. Three. Two. One.” He pointed at me, indicating it was time for me to do the intro.

I took a deep breath and pushed aside my feelings to focus on the show. “Welcome back, puckers,” I said with a grin that felt unbelievably forced. “If you’re a regular listener, welcome back. If you’re new here, thanks for joining us. I’m Logan Frost⁠—”

“And I’m Levi Frost,” Levi chimed in, his voice sounding wooden to my ears.

“And we’re siblings who play in the NHL and PWHL. Each week, we break down what’s happening in both leagues.”

“That’s right. This week, we’re back to kick off a new season, and…” Levi paused, letting out a deep breath. It was like watching a balloon deflate. He glanced down at his hands, and it was then I noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes.

I waited a minute, hoping he could pull himself out of it. But then, I couldn’t hold back any longer. “Lee?”

“I can’t—” He let out a shaky breath, still unwilling to meet my eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

His words felt like a punch to the gut. I hated seeing Levi so upset, and I hated even more that I’d caused him pain. I wished I could comfort him, but I had a feeling that was the last thing he wanted from me.

“Should we look at rescheduling?” Cam asked. “It’s just, we don’t have much time, with the NHL season starting soon.”

“I know.” Levi rubbed the back of his neck. “I know.” His voice sounded so small. “I just don’t think this is going to work. I can’t—” He shook his head but said nothing more.

I squeezed my eyes shut briefly, and when I opened them, Cam was glancing between us, concern written on his features. “What’s going on?”

“I, um—” I would always be Levi’s big sister, looking out for him even when he didn’t want me to. “I did something that hurt Levi.” I swallowed hard. “And I’ve tried to apologize, but he needs more time.”

Levi nodded, his shoulders relaxing just slightly.

“Okay,” Cam said, clearly digesting this news. “I get that, but we don’t have more time. Not where the show is concerned.”

Everyone was quiet, and it felt heavy. Full of regrets and hurt and uncertainty. I hated it.