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“For now, it’s just that—a rumor.” She blew out a breath, her expression solemn. “I miss my friends, and sometimes I feel like I’m missing out by living here.”

“Missing out on…”

“Everything.” She dragged a hand through her hair. “I feel like I wasn’t there for Bryn as much as I wanted to be after Derek died. And now, I think of all the things I’m not part of. All the memories that Bryn, Frasier, Georgia, and Kylie are sharing that don’t include me.”

I could understand what that was like, probably better than she realized. When I’d left home, my younger sisters had been five, seven, and eleven. They were now ten, twelve, and sixteen. And I’d missed everything. All of it.

“I’m sure they miss you too,” I said, wanting to reassure Logan instead of dwelling on my problems. “They often mention you, and they know you visit when you can.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t think I could say the same for my family. It was heartbreaking sometimes, to think of all the milestones I’d missed, or the fact that I might never see them again.

I kept hoping that maybe when they were older, maybe I could explain… Maybe they’d understand.

Maybe they wouldn’t.

Logan tucked her legs beneath her. “What about you? Do you make it home often?”

I shook my head. I hadn’t gone home in years. Not since…well.

“But surely you’ll get to see your family for Christmas?” she asked.

“Not this year.” And likely not anytime in the future, but I didn’t mention that.

Her expression was solemn. “I’m sorry. I know how difficult it can be to make time for anything but hockey, especially during the season.”

I considered telling her the truth, but then I’d have to explain why that was the case. It was easier to let her believe my reasons for not going home for the holidays were due to a lack of time. Easier than telling her that I hadn’t spoken to my family since I’d moved out five years ago.

“And yet—” I grinned, needing to move on to a lighter topic “—you make time for your friends and family. For the league’s Culture Initiative. You do all of that and host a popular weekly podcast, all while playing hockey full time.”

“Yeah, but that’s fun. Well, mostly.”

“The hockey or the podcast?” I asked.

“Both.” She laughed. “But I was referring to the podcast.”

“What’s not fun about it?”

“The logistics sometimes. Like having to record an episode after a game when I’m exhausted.”

I nodded. “And what do you love about it?”

“I mean, you’ve met me, right?” She smiled. “I get paid to geek out about hockey. And I get to do it with one of my favorite people in the world.”

I tried not to let my expression falter at the mention of her brother, but I couldn’t help it. Sometimes Logan mentioned him, but most of our conversations involved other topics. But now that she’d brought him up, I couldn’t stop thinking about how important Levi was to her. How important their podcast was to her.

Levi and Logan had always been close, and I’d never want to cause either of them pain. Well, in Levi’s case, more pain. I didn’t want to come between them. I didn’t want to put Logan in an awkward position or jeopardize her relationship with her brother. And I was beginning to feel like I was doing that just by being here.

I polished off the rest of my beer then stood, her words a reminder that I didn’t belong. Not in her apartment, nor in her life. “Thanks for the drink. I should get going.” I wandered over to her kitchen in search of the recycling bin.

“Carson…” My muscles tightened, shoulders bunching beneath my shirt. My back was still facing her, and I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the way my name sounded on her lips. “Is everything okay?”

“I—” I cleared my throat, turning to face her. “Yeah. Everything’s great.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Now why don’t I believe that?”

I lifted a shoulder. “You tell me.”

“Because you’re acting weird. Is this because I mentioned my brother?”