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“Yeah.”

Maison wouldn’t know how much I really struggle. I hide it well during the day and at night, when my demons come at me full force, he’s sleeping like a baby.

He stares at me straight on. “You should go back on the meds.”

“Fuck no. That shit fucks with me, man. And you should watch out for that chick. She came to find me thirty seconds after you passed out.”

He swallows and bobs his throat as he contemplates what I just said. A moment passes and eventually, he says, “Did it help?”

I flash my eyes at him. “Yeah,” I admit. “It’s that or hockey. Or lying in my bed staring at the wall feeling like the world caving in on me.” It’s the most honest I’ve been with him in months, and he gives me the look I dread the most.

Pity.

A draft of air shoots through the room and noise from the party hits the kitchen and Olivia walks in. She pauses when she sees the two of us, simply parting her lips and adjusting her gorgeous white tight skirt. She is way beyond any other girl here—and she fucking knows it. She walks in knowing she holds both of our attention. High heels and all.

She completely ignores me, which I’m fine with. This just got completely fucking awkward. She wraps her arm around Maison’s waist—the safe twin—Maison is the safe one in this situation. I can’t blame her.

“Maison, I’m tired,” she says. “Can I go lie down in your room?”

He squeezes her waist. “Yeah, baby. I’ll be there soon.”

She kisses him, darts her gaze at me and slips down the hall. I don’t miss the sway in her hips as both of us stare at her backside.

Maison and I face off. We usually don’t have uncomfortable silence between us, but I’m not saying a goddamn word.

After a beat, he finally says, “Go, man. Go to her if you want and pretend you’re me.”

I narrow my eyes. “Are you sure, Maison? Look, if you’re catching feels for this girl, we don’t have to play this game. I’ll back off.”

He flexes his jaw. “I just don’t want you to catch feels for her, dude. She’s my girlfriend, but if it’s just sex you need, go for it.”

I shake my head, and a heat shoots straight to my gut. “I don’t do feelings, bro. You know that.”

And I mean every word. This is physical for me.

He gestures toward his room, his face all serious. “Go before I change my mind. I’ll be waiting outside.”

Fucking Maison—he’s selfless to the point of obsession. I’m not fucking worthy of having a brother like him, and I know it’s driven by guilt. He still feels it’s his fault for what happened to us when we were kids. I told him not to go on that ice. I warned him and he did it, anyway. The ice cracked, and the water pulled him in within seconds. I threw myself in after him without thinking. I saved his life and pulled him out as blood stained the water around us.

Somehow, I kept him alive until we were found. He thinks he’s the reason I am the way I am. That it was all his fault for what happened to us out there.

But it’s not—it has nothing to do with Maison. Somehow, I think I’d be like this anyway, even if it didn’t happen. I don’t see the world the way he does. It’s not sunshine and rainbows in my mind. It’s dark, like walking through shadows in a descension to death.

I step toward his room and keep my face neutral. My stomach tightens, but I’m not going to let it show how excited I am.

I keep my voice even. “I’ll try not to wear her out for you, bro.”

He snickers. “Oh, don’t worry. She will get a piece of me, too. Count on that.”

It takes me all of two steps to decide who I want to be when I walk in. No fucking way in hell am I being anyone other than myself.

She’s topless when I step in wearing nothing but her silky panties lying over the sheets on Maison’s bed. The lights are dimmed, and her tits are perked. She reminds me of how she was positioned the first night I fucked her.

She sits with her back to the headboard and her knees up, accentuating her legs. Her eyes flash for a moment. She has no fucking clue who I am.

Maybe I should just fuck with her? She sure had no problem fucking with me. I take a step forward, and she tilts her head and smiles. “Hi, Micah,” she whispers.

She was expecting me.