Page 49

Her pale face is shadowed, and she has a sad, heartbreaking expression in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, absorbing my deep stare. “I’m not a normal girl, Tommy, okay.”

“Goddammit, Didi,” I say as I punch the steering wheel. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

I’m a dick…

I can’t control myself with her. Perhaps it’s because she’s good at playing coy, or if it’s because I’m very aware she’s a virgin hiding under those baggy clothes, but I’ve never wanted a girl so damn much. I want to screw the living daylights out of her.

I lean my back and interlace my hands around the back of my head. “Is everything okay?” I finally ask her, nearly out of breath. “What the hell is that?”

She squeezes her eyes shut. “It’s a chastity belt, Tommy. I think it’s time you take me home.”

A what? Like one of those medieval things?

I run my hands through my hair. “Didi…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. You can trust me.”

She folds her arms. “Mama’s expecting me. Please.”

I lift my hands. “Okay. Okay.”

I start the car, pulling it onto the dark road.

We drive in silence, though I steal glances at her every few minutes, and tears begin to stream down her face. I turn the music up, hoping it will calm her.

“Just drop me off at that tree,” she says as I pull near her street. “I can walk from here.”

“What? No. Not a chance in hell. Something could happen to you.”

She presses her lips together, and her eyes widen. “Mama and I will be fine. We always are.”

I swallow hard. “I mean…dammit. There’s still a killer on the loose, Diana.” Well, not really, the killer is at a wellness retreat three hours away, but I still need Didi to understand the danger in this town is real.

Her eyes narrow in on me. “I’m not convinced that the killer isn’t you.”

She’s got me on that one…

I could never hurt her—I would never kill anyone; despite the cursed family I’m a part of. But something ain’t right with her. In fact, something is terribly wrong. I struggle to find words to make this better.

“Can you please meet me at lunch on Monday,” I call after her. “If not, I’ll come find you.”

She slams the door and leaves by the time I can blink.

DIDI

Iam unholy.

Impure at the core of my being. My lustful desires slither through my veins. I understand the implications of what I’ve admitted and have since repented by admitting my sins. May God forgive me, because I will do it again.

When I got home after leaving Tommy, Mama was asleep with an empty bottle on the floor beside her bed. I tucked her in, kissed her cheek, and crawled onto my coiled mattress on the floor in my room. I cried myself to sleep, staring at a mystery stain on the floor, wondering if it’s the remnants of the blood of whoever’s mattress this was.

I woke up the next morning—Sunday—at daylight to Mama stroking my cheek, telling me that God will forgive me.

God, please forgive my filthy soul.

She didn’t have to force me to pray for once; I did it all on my own. I’ve never felt so icky in my own skin.

I started my prayers, two full days of worship, tears and scraped knees from kneeling on the floor. My guilt and shame are eating me from the inside out from kissing Tommy. I haven’t left my bedroom, staring at the same spot on the wall, only pausing for fleeting naps. I didn’t go to school on Monday or Tuesday; I couldn’t bring myself to after what I did.